Well, here’s hoping you’ve all slept off your tryptophan highs from Thanksgiving, because it’s been a busy month in Tinsel Town!

I’m beginning to think that Charron has expanded to a whole fleet of boats on the River Styx, because he’s still sailing through Hollywood and grabbing victims.

Sitcom legend and five time Emmy winner Art Carney died at his Connecticut home after a lengthy illness, at the age of 85. Carney will be remembered best for his portrayal of nebbish Ed Norton on “The Honeymooners”, but was also an Academy Award-winning movie star in “Harry and Tonto”. Carney got his start on “The Morey Amsterdam Show” in 1947 and quickly became one of the most endearing television actors of all time. He was the last of the four principal players of “The Honeymooners,” which is the second most enduring sitcom in history, superceded only by “I Love Lucy”.

Bobby Hatfield, one half of the renowned duo, “The Righteous Brothers” died November sixth in his suite in the Raddison Plaza Hotel in Kalamazoo Michigan. His body was discovered when he didn’t answer a wake-up call for their performance that night at the Miller Auditorium at Western Michigan University. He was 63.

Also dead at age 85 is Jack Elam, the scruffy, cock-eyed actor of countless western movies, best remembered for his work on the series “Rawhide”. Elam appeared in many television series afterward, and was renowned for his ability to switch from drama to comedy in the middle of a line. His trademark ‘ten minutes past twelve’ eyes, (his right eye is said to have been paralyzed by a head injury in his teens,) made him one of the most recognized faces in the industry.

Florence Stanley, best known as Abe Vigoda’s wife Florence on the sitcom “Fish” (a spin-off of “Barney Miller”) has also died of a stroke at the age of 79. Stanley also played the ever-patient Judge Wilbur on Greg Evigan sitcom “My Two Dads”.

Most shocking of all is the death of 27 year-old Jonathan Brandis, best remembered for his portrayal of Lucas Wolenczek on the hit series “Seaquest DSV”. Brandis died in Los Angeles at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after hanging himself. Brandis also starred in the 1991 film classic “The Neverending Story: 2”, and had a short run on the ABC soap opera, “One Life to Live” when he was six.

The daisy fields aside, the big news is the newest flurry of allegations against Michael Jackson. In a raid that rivaled any movie scene, police descended on Jackson’s ‘Neverland Ranch’ combing the 2,600 acre compound after a twelve-year-old boy alleged that Jackson had molested him. The following day an arrest warrant was issued for Jackson, who was in Las Vegas to shoot his new music video. Jackson is accused of violating California Penal code section 288a, committing lewd and lascivious acts with a minor under the age of 14. Bail has been set at three million dollars, (roughly one percent of Jackson’s purported overall worth,) and Jackson has been given an undisclosed period of time in which to surrender himself to authorities. In typical Jacksonesque style, the self-proclaimed “King of Pop” claims that this is a conspiracy that surfaces every time he has an upcoming album or video. As for the rumors that this case is linked with the child pornography charges against Paul ‘Pee Wee Herman’ Reubens and Actor Jeffery Jones, (Reubens is said to be a longtime friend of Jackson’s,) the Santa Barbara County District Attorney’s office has said simple, “No comment!”

Jackson could be facing up to ten years in prison, depending on the outcome of the trial, and the decision of the judge. At this time, there is no decision as to whether or not Jackson’s own three children will be taken into protective custody.

This case differs greatly from the one ten years earlier. The 1993 case prompted changes in the penal code, making it now mandatory that the accuser testify in court against the perpetrator. Also deserving of clarification is the legal phrase ‘multiple counts’. According to legal terms, a ‘count’ is any time an act, which violates the laws of the state, is committed. It does not imply that there are multiple victims, only that more than one act was committed, possibly against the same victim.

And this in from the “Did Not, Did Not…Did Too, Did Too!” department, the two years of kvetching and finger pointing did Rosie O’Donnell little good when a judge ruled that neither side in the high profile, multi-million dollar lawsuit over the farblondzhet magazine “Rosie”, will get gornisht. Judge Ira Gammerman ruled that both sides contributed to the demise of the magazine, and so, should accept the responsibility. If anything, the whole misshegas has cost Rosie much more than just her legal fees though, because the Pussycat has been seen to be the Tasmanian Devil, spitting and hissing, a rotund Martha Stewart who proves the wisdom of the old bobemaise, ‘Be nice to people on your way up, because you may need them on your way down.”

Meanwhile, over at Columbia Pictures, the much awaited film version of “Bewitched” has been shelved. Insiders claim the reason behind the decision is the impossible task of casting the film, which was set to star Nicole Kidman as Samantha, the most unpopular casting mistake since Madonna was under consideration for the role of ‘Catwoman’ in “Batman Forever’, a part that went to Michelle Pfeiffer. According to my sources, the final nail in the coffin was when Anthony Hopkins declined to play Samantha’s father, ‘Maurice’. Oh, well, better mazel next time, guys.

And over in the “Ya Think They’ll Notice?” department, television heartthrob Matt LeBlanc has traded in his muscle-‘T’s for a padded bra in the film “All The Queen’s Men”, a video-movie comedy about an intelligence agent who poses as a woman to steal a decoding device from the Nazis. This film, supposedly based on a true story, is good, and laughs aplenty, but still is an almost obscene rip-off of the sitcom “Bosom Buddies” wherein Tom Hanks was introduced to America. But if you can get past the absurdity of the plot, (LeBlanc’s sheine punim is just plain grotesque in drag,) and Eddie Izzard’s (who looks far better in evening wear than LeBlanc,) over-mincing and over acting, it’s a fun movie, and worth the rental fee.

And this just in from the “I’m Not as Drunk as you Drink I am!” department, seventies singing icon Glen Campbell was arrested for drunk driving leaving the scene of an accident, and assaulting a police officer. The 67-year-old Campbell crashed his silver BMW into a Toyota, then proceeded to his Biltmore Estates home where police found him in a highly combative mood. According to a spokesman for the Maricopa County Jail Police Department, Campbell alternated between singing in his cell and kneeing an officer in the thigh. His blood alcohol level was reportedly 0.15, while the legal limit for Arizona is 0.08. Campbell was released on a $2,000 bond.

Finally it is with deep regret that I have to tell you all there will be no January Column from me. My eldest son, John is having a serious spinal operation on December eighth, and I will be too busy schlepping and schvitzing over him to be able to research a column. But I promise to be back in the saddle for February and bring you all up-to-date on the Hollywood scene! Also, beginning in 2004, I will, by necessity, be cutting back on the death notices in the interest of saving space so my colleagues can have a chance! Meanwhile, I wish you all a wondrous Holiday Season, and a prosperous New Year!