Well, this month got off to a bang-a-roo start, with my little birdies flying back and forth from the L.A. County Courthouse, where it’s said that secret plea-bargains are being negotiated with Wynona ‘light-fingers’ Ryder. The ‘Artful Dodger-in-training’ is set for her September fifth court appearance to respond to charges of grand theft, second-degree burglary, possession of a controlled substance, and vandalism. The “Reality Bites” star is trying to keep her trial as low key as possible, as if it’s going to work. Just another example of a celebrity thinking they can get away with anything. Wynona, get real! It didn’t work for Simpson or Blake either!
Meanwhile in the “You can’t keep a good nutcase down” department, Michael Jackson celebrated his forty-fourth birthday by appearing on the MTV Video Music Awards. The aging has-been star is said to have been so anxious about the cold reception he was expected to receive, he had to be forced out on stage, and when they brought out his birthday cake, he gave an acceptance speech! And speaking of cold, Debbie Rowe, the second ex-Mrs. Michael Jackson, finally revealed that her settlement from their divorce netted her a cool $30 million dollars. That’s ten million for every year she was married! For that kind of money, I’d marry the guy!
And 61-year-old Nick Nolte was busted recently, (again,) for DUI. Katherine Hepburn, star of stage, screen, and the Roman Coliseum, (well, let’s face it, she was around when the Dead Sea was just sick,) accused him of having fallen down in every gutter in Hollywood. Obviously, Kate forgets the numerous times her main squeeze, Spencer Tracy had to be poured home!
And finally, we bid a heartfelt farewell to actress Kim Hunter, who died of a heart attack in her home this month. Even though her long career brought her many memorable roles, we baby-boomers will always remember her as the kindly ‘Dr. Zira’ in the original series of “Planet of the Apes” movies. She will be greatly missed.
I’ve gotten some e-mails recently from readers, asking me about my picks for the Emmys. Well, unlike many of my colleagues who think their columns are written on Sinai, I make it a habit to NEVER publish my opinions of awards shows. Not because of ego, or anything like that.
But just because I write a column, doesn’t mean that my opinions are any more or less valid than those of anyone reading my stories.
When I made my film debut back in 1961 in the Mega-debacle “Cleopatra” I had the privilege of working with Joseph Mankiewitz. Years later, at a party, I ran into him again, and he told me something which I will never forget; something which puts the whole awards mishegas into its proper perspective.
“Awards are bobkes!” he said. “What counts is, can you make money for the studio and the backers? Most of your highest paid actors never won awards. Yet, they continue to draw box office and work steadily. Why? Because it’s the public who are the final arbiters of success and/or failure. And they cast their ballot where it counts….at the box office!”
Yes my dears, it’s all true, it really is, show-BUSINESS. And don’t ever let them tell you differently! Hollywood loves to stroke it’s own ego. But the same people who dole out the awards like so much potato salad at a picnic, will cut bait with the recipients the minute they don’t bring the money in.
I remember one time, when George C. Scott made the comment, “I’m not in it for the fame or the glory, I’m in it for the art.” Funny, but at the time he said it, he was the highest paid actor in the world.
But I am not alone in my fight to convince the world that the Emperor really is naked. On a recent edition of “The View”, Anthony Hopkins shocked the you-know-what out of Bab-o Walters, by admitting that he did what he did for one reason…the money! Bravo for your guts Tony!
So just remember, (the next time that you’re watching those vulgar displays of false-modesty and hypocritical humility,) that without people like you, poning up your eight bucks to see a movie, none of them would be there; thanking everyone from their shrink to their proctologist, their managers to their late Aunt Tillie. Everyone but the real people to whom they owe their careers, their fortunes, their very lives….YOU!