For all of you who have been anxiously awaiting the sequel to “Pirates of the Caribbean”, you’ll be happy to know that the sequel, “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” is in post production and will be coming out sometime in the spring or summer of this year. The film reunites Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom as the heroes, as well as an impressive number of supporting cast members from the first film.

The story this time centers around the fact that Captain Jack Sparrow, (Depp,) owes his soul to Davy Jones, (played by Bill Nighy,) and his deep-sea ghoulies, and now must find a way to get out of the contract. Granted, the story line is a blatant, albeit original rip-off of “Bedazzled”, which was a rip-off of “The Devil and Daniel Webster”, which I’m sure if I researched it far back enough I could find what Stephen Vincent Benet stole that from, but you get the idea. Anyway, Hollywood has been quasi-plagiarizing from it’s self for decades, and let’s face it, even the Bible lifted some stories to make for interesting reading. In any case, my little birdies tell me that this one will be even more entertaining than the first, which is saying quite a lot. The producers are so certain that this one will be as gezunte a hit, (or bigger,) as the first, the shooting has already begun on the third installment. In this one, Orlando Bloom’s wife, Elizabeth, (played again by Keira Knightly,) is kidnapped by Chinese Pirate Sao Feng, played by the ever-versatile Chow Yun Fat (“Anna and the King,)”. As I understand it, the filming on #3 began before filming wrapped on #2, so the producers must be confident that the chemistry between Depp and Bloom will continue to captivate the audiences. But knowing actors as I do, the script must have been impressive to lure Chow Yun Fat into playing a comedy of such broad application.

And this just in from the “Never Give a Saga an Even Break” department, yet another rehash of “The Posiedon Adventure”, called simply, “Posiedon” is due out May 15th, and it more than makes up for the sheiseleh version made for television. This one stars Kurt Russell, and has all the breakneck pace of the original and more drama than a cheerleader with a zit on prom night. Taking a hint from the remake of “Planet of the Apes”, this one opts not to bring back any of the characters from the original, giving us a whole new cast of victims to root for. I won’t give any more away than I already have here, but if you think you’re going to be able to follow this one scene for scene, forget it! This one is darker, the effects more stunning, and the acting, although in some cases being over-the-top, is far better than anything I’ve seen in a while. Be prepared to resent not seeing Mr. and Mrs. Rosen at first, but also be prepared to be swept away when the wave hits the shit. The effects are worthy of “Titanic” and when it comes to suspension of disbelief, this one will pull you into the ballroom before the funnels are underwater!

Finally, I would like to take this opportunity to respond to an e-mail I received from Edwin in Texas, who raked my tukhas through the coals for my review of the Nora Ephron version of “Bewitched” a few months back. At his request, I rented the film and watched it again. Well, Eddie, I hate to say it, but not only do I stand by my original critique, but after seeing the film again, I found even more to dislike about it. The most faithful-to-the-original thing about it was Carole Shelley’s portrayal of Aunt Clara, the only character who gave the impression she’d ever even seen the original series. Steve Carell’s imitation of ‘Uncle Arthur’ was barely passable even by ‘Saturday Night Live’ standards, and the final nails in the coffin were the addition of archive footage from the series which in contrast made the movie look even worse. Will Ferrell chews up the scenery like a Langolier, and his attempts to out-mug Jim Carrey are an embarrassment. In my original column, I advised everyone to save their money and watch the original series on Nick at Night, and now that the film is out on video, I offer the same caution. Sorry, Edwin, but I gotta call ‘em as I see ‘em!

Till next month, Gang.