| Ooch, creak, yawn: it's morning. Time to shuffle into the kitchen, and let
caffeine coax the sleepiness away. The newspaper is a perfect companion, silent,
yet drawing me into the world.
In need of just a bit more coffee before facing the front page, where news is
either bad or worse, I turn to the Calendar section. Here are all the dreams of
the day: films, art shows, concert performances, and advice columnists. Abby,
Amy, Annie: these ladies correspond about the most fantastical phenomena of all.
What could be so amazing about those letters? I must admit that not all of them
capture my imagination, but there is one sort which does. They always begin with
a description of someone's mate, child, relative-in-law, neighbor, or employer
as wonderful. In the next sentence, the writer says that the person or
relationship in question would be ideal save for whatever problem is now
described. If this one issue can be solved, everything will be perfect.
The columnists are always full of good and worthwhile practical ideas for
working through those problems. My first choice of possible actions might
sometimes be different, but I always admire the caring evident in their answers.
What sends my imagination soaring is the notion that any person, interaction, or
event could possibly be perfect. I have never met anyone or known any family
which could be said to be without flaw. Indeed we often find the foibles of our
loved ones to be endearing. Perfection is the province of G-d, not man.
Another side to this search for perfection has to do with the difficulties
discussed, and lack of reasonable perspective about them. A couple of weeks ago,
there was a letter from the mother of a bride-to-be. Her problem was that the
mother of the groom-to-be was not accepting direction as to what she should wear
to the upcoming nuptials. The lady and her daughter were upset enough to write a
public advice columnist, because the bride did not want her entire perfect
wedding to be "ruined".
Okay, I plead guilty, unable to resist my first impulse to laugh aloud at that
nonsense. Can anything ruin a wedding, if the couple is suitably matched, and
both have a modicum of humor in their make-up? The answer, of course, is no:
although it is probably true that upsetting the mother of the groom who is to be
part of this perfection could disrupt the proceedings. I can't imagine anyone
alive having the nerve to tell my son that they think something about me is
unsuitable. Of course, being that he bench presses three times his weight, it is
unlikely I will ever have to deal with any such problem.
Reading these silly letters always makes me feel thankful for the circumstances
of my life, and an attitude of gratitude sure helps to start the day. Not that
there haven't been problems, mind you, but I have usually been able to face them
with some reasonable sense of their importance.
It should go without saying that anyone who ever expects perfection, deserves
the inevitable disappointment.
So why did she write about this at Chanukah?
During this holiday, most of us who are blessed enough to have friends and
family will probably spend time with them. The reverse is also true. Some folks,
failing to recognize their blessings will stay away from the latke parties.
People who boycott events imagine that they will be missed, but the truth is
that everyone will be having too much fun to think about whomever is absent.
Every family has a few party-poopers. Who are they? One sort are the ones who
take it upon themselves to spend time giving unasked-for direction in aid of
helping their relations attain unwanted perfection. The other wet blankets are
those who refuse to forgive and forget whatever insult they suffered the
previous year, or decade.
Each year is precious; every chance for happiness should be taken. Nobody is
perfect, and nothing can ruin an event which is attended by people of goodwill.
Enjoy one another, the beauty of candleglow, and the fun of dreidl games. Okay,
I'm not Beatrice Fairfax, but that's my advice, and I'm sticking with it. |
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