| The end of Summer is a time of smiles. As the year draws to a
close, it always seems a perfect idea to plan a picnic or barbecue so our loved
ones may enjoy one another whilst sitting under a tree, sipping fresh lemonade
long into the warm evening. August provides a last chance to relax, before the
rush of High Holidays, Sukkot, and the more structured events of cool
weather.
The only difficulty in planning these happy occasions is dealing with folks who
want to turn them into grudge events. You know who they are; the ones who ask,
"Who else is coming?" If allowed to carry on, these people will talk you to
death with grandiose refusals to attend should so-and-so be invited, and
long-winded recitations regarding the cause of the rift which may be many
decades old.
You will notice that I said if they are allowed to behave in that fashion. There
is no reason to permit that sort of talk. Indeed, it is important to do the
opposite.
Every year, we each have an obligation to seek forgiveness from any we may have
offended. people who keep grudges often seek to evade that responsibility by
claiming that they are the offended party. However, there is no doubt that
bearing ill will towards someone else is offensive, and therefore requires an
effort to make amends. Certainly, any attempt to spread tales which might
involve others in bad feelings only compounds the problem.
Obviously, it is wrong to do anything which furthers this sort of wrong action,
so don't do it. First and foremost, refuse to listen to anything bad about
someone else. If the person trying to unload on you is in need of a confidant,
refer them to their rabbi. It is simple to say, "I understand that this
situation is troubling you, but it would be more appropriate for you to discuss
this with someone who can help resolve it."
If asked who else will be attending any event you are planning, just say, "Some
other people who are dear to me. I am looking forward to enjoying everyone's
company."
Never, I repeat, never give in to any ultimatum which would alter your guest
list. If a person says that they will not be there, just say, "I'm so sorry you
won't be able to participate, since this will be a good time for all."
Last, examine your own heart. Do you have an upset with anyone? If so, why not
invite them to come and share that lemonade with you? It doesn't matter how the
quarrel started, you might be able to end it by showing a warm heart.
HI-NAY MA TOV U-MA NA-YIM SHE-VET A-CHIM GAM YA-CHAD
How good and how pleasant it is when brethren live together.
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