| Respect at the Holiday Table
What is the definition of a picky eater?
Anyone who doesn't eat something you think is tasty.
As a writer on food and family matters, I often receive letters asking me how to
deal with picky eaters. Translated, that means my correspondents want me to tell
them how to force people to eat something they don't like.
No, I'm not talking about getting Junior to try one taste of anything green.
Disharmony at the table may involve people of every age and/or dietary
preference.
The most common ruse is to use the disliked substance surreptitiously. There are
cooks who say, "So-and-so says he doesn't like (insert ingredient), but I use it
all the time, and he doesn't know the difference."
I have news for you, he knows, but has decided that it is simpler to shut up and
eat, than to have an argument. He knows something else as well; you don't give a
hoot about whether he likes dinner, as long as you get to have what you want.
A second ploy, most often used on guests is to say, "I know you told me you
don't care for this, but wait until you try it the way I make it. You'll love
it."
The guest tries to be polite, eats the minimum amount possible, and does his
best to shun that host in future. If the pushy cook is a relative who cannot be
avoided, there is often a decision made to eat the darned stuff, and be quiet in
the name of familial harmony. Once again, he knows you don't care a whit about
him.
A third tactic, used when a dislike is stated is to say, "But that is the best
part," or "You don't know what you're missing." This is sometimes accompanied by
a chorus of others proclaiming that they LOVE the particular item.
The diner in question thinks, "Does my host think I'm susceptible to suggestion,
or too stupid to know my own tastes?" In point of fact, this person knows
exactly what he is missing, and the point of stating a preference is to be able
to miss it. He too, may eat to be courteous, but will resent the way he was
treated.
The person with particular tastes may claim to have an allergy, in hope of
avoiding both conflict, and a distasteful meal. He need feel no remorse, because
this deception is more than met by the cook who assumes all stated allergies are
false, and ignores them when preparing dinner. Such hosts should be forced to
pay emergency room bills for guests who are the victims of uncaring behavior.
It is my experience that those who follow particularly narrow dietary plans are
very willing to be cooperative about how they are accommodated. As an example, a
Vegan guest may be asked if they would like to carry in their own dinner, or
arrive when the meal is finished, and just share the company. A person whose
level of Kashrut observance is more strict than that of a host, may bring not
only their own food, but disposable dishes and cutlery as well. Such requests
from a host are not impolite, and show that the guest is a valued member of the
company.
Mealtime should be an occasion for friends and relatives to have closeness and
camaraderie. Power struggles at the table are unseemly, and directly contrary to
the spirit which should prevail. Parents, if you are having guests or are
invited out for a celebration, please remember that one meal will not make or
break any nutritional plan which you have in mind for your offspring. Few things
are so unpleasant as being part of a captive audience whilst a child is either
cajoled or bullied into consuming the unwanted. Other assorted friends and
family, be aware that the only thing accomplished by trying to force a child to
eat something, is the development of distaste for family gatherings.
Each of us has personal preferences: my favorite fruits are persimmons, perhaps
yours are apples. There is neither need nor reason for all to enjoy the same
things. To all my readers I say that there is no such thing as a picky eater,
only people who want to eat what they choose. Any attempt to force an issue of
taste shows a lack of understanding, and is apt to create harsh feelings.
No matter the menu, holiday feasts taste their best when garnished with love.
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