| In February, conversation is dominated by tales about
Valentine's Days, past and present. People speak fondly of wonderful meals,
reminisce about long-ago loves, and tell jokes about their worst present ever.
Those worst gift stories can turn the anticipation of any holiday into an
occasion for anxiety. Some people avoid the problem by declining to give
anything at all, but that is not a happy option, so most of us get busy buying
and/or making things which we hope will bring gladness to those we hold dear.
At such times, isn't it nice to know when you've done something right? Recently,
someone told me just that. Three years ago, I gave a loved one something which
pleased him so much that he is still enjoying it, and so decided to thank me
again.
What was in that well-remembered parcel? Was it fabulously expensive, rare, or
exotic? It was none of the above. The box contained twenty-five identical pairs
of black socks. It is always the case that the best gifts are simple, useful,
and designed to make life more comfortable for the recipient.
It is also important for you to know that the man to whom I gave them liked
black socks. I didn't try to enliven his existence by giving him argyles, or any
other interesting patterns. He liked black socks, so that is what he received.
Presents should never be intended to improve someone.
An example of this can be found in my linen cupboard, which contains neat stacks
of immaculately white sheets, towels, pillowcases, etc. I take great pride in
those gleaming pieces of cloth, and the fact that it is impossible to detect any
color difference between those items which are new, and those more than twenty
years old.
Every once in a while, someone decides to make my life more interesting by
gifting me with a set of something pastel, bright, or printed. I immediately
donate or give those items to someone/someplace else who might enjoy them. There
is no point to discussing the issue, but I must admit to being flummoxed by
those who think they can get me to change my plain white tastes and preferences
by plopping something fancified in my lap.
There is a foolproof way to avoid giving gifts which will not be enjoyed. Open
your eyes, and look at the intended recipient. Don't try to be expensively
impressive, because costly presents usually make people uncomfortable. Just see
what a friend enjoys, and buy or make them more of the same.
Let the unspoken message be, "I see, and love you the way you are." That is
really the most precious thing you can give anyone.
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