I was saying to my wife, Arlene, that the smoke from the fires in Georgia is reaching Jacksonville, Florida and I feel like I smoked a carton of cigarettes, and I don’t know what’s running more, my eyes, or my nose. All I can say is my feet feel like running back to New York ‘til the fires stop. Before I could even finish speaking my beautiful wife began commenting about what I was saying… She said “shush, it’s your own fault, why do you go outside? how much seykhl does it take to know not to go out?”

 Interestingly, we’re married all these years, and I just found out I had married a psychiatrist. And speaking of psychiatrists, I’d like to share some stories about my mother- in- law Ruth, and Arlene’s side of the family, who, by the way, never were psychiatrists, nor did they ever need one.

I met my wife, Arlene, when I was 17-years-old. I had taken a typing class in high school and when I saw her, it was love at first sight. Of course at 17 it was love at first sight with every girl I looked at. When I heard the sound of her voice and the kindness in the tone and saw the way she carried herself, I knew that this was the girl I would some day marry. Unfortunately she didn’t feel the same way about me. I wore a black leather jacket and my sideburns were long and greasy. I looked like John Travolta, only I was shorter , with a Frankie Avalon haircut and face. Arlene thought I was Italian and what good Jewish girl would bring home an Italian boy to Mamma? She refused to go out on a date, stay and talk to me in class, at lunch or after school. Believe me this did not stop me from trying.

I was cantoring for the Jr. Congregation at the Temple Gates of Prayer in Flushing and that was the year Arlene and her girl friends came to my Shul. To Arlene’s surprise I was there. Why’s an Italian boy davening during Rosh Hashana, ah he must be a-choo…guzundheit. Well that‘s all it took, I was redeemed. G-d is good, and I’m so blessed.

 We began dating; God had sent me my bashert. When I picked up Arlene at her home I noticed how loving her mom and dad were. It was a short time later, when I was invited to a family function that I found out that Ruth was one of triplets…there stood three Ruth's with two brothers David and Benny who were twins. I would fantasize that when we married we’d having many children together since I was also born as part of a set of twins.


Ruth and Bill, Arlene’s dad, always treated me like mishpokhe and I spent many hours over the next five years with them. Bill had asked me if I was planning on marrying Arlene after graduation from college, because he couldn’t afford to feed me anymore. Bill was a great guy and easy to speak with. We spent many hours with each other after Arlene and I married. He’d often come over alone on a Sunday morning for breakfast. We didn’t keep kosher like our parents, and he liked bacon with his eggs, which he couldn’t get at home as Ruth kept a kosher home.

After college, Arlene and I married. Wow, that was 42 years ago!!. I was not only in love with Arlene but in love with Arlene’s family. They were kind, compassionate, loving people. They were always joyful and were very much involved with each other as family. (As an aside they helped support us for the first three years I was in business. I did pay them back and they never once asked if we needed money, they just sent it) We would never know when we’d get a phone call from Ruth. "Dad and I are in the neighborhood can we come over? Aunt Lily, Aunt Honey, Uncle Charlie, Uncle Dave and Aunt Simi and Uncle Benny and Aunt Tillie are with us too. Don’t worry we’re bringing the food with us." How can they be in the neighborhood, we lived in Holtsville, 40 miles away from them? Sure, come over. “We’re glad you said that cause we’re turning the corner now and don’t worry we brought food for everyone and extra so you have when we leave.” That describes Arlene’s family.

The Piano

Ruth played the piano and as I was to find out very early in our relationship everyone had a special talent. After a dinner the family would gather around the piano and begin to sing. Bill would take out his harmonica; he’d then join in as well. Bill liked to write poetry and had a poem for every occasion. When the family gathered a poem was read. A poem was written for every event: a baby born, a birthday, anniversary, even a husband neglected if Ruth failed to purchase Wheaties for his breakfast. Ruth printed a book of Bill’s poetry after he passed away. She wanted to honor him and have all the scraps of paper he wrote on typed so they would be easy to read . She spent many an hour pounding away on her non-electric typewriter to get the pages ready for the printer. She gave copies of the bound book to her children, all their cousins, and to the grandchildren. The three triplets eventually took their repertoire of piano music, singing, and some dancing, on the road when they were in their 70’s. They visited nursing homes and entertained…they were an instant hit and always had a nursing home story to tell us. After all “there’s no business like show business” and they dominated the nursing home circuit.

We lived in Florida when Ruth was in the final season of life. She was in a nursing home not far from our house; she needed special care which we were unable to provide. She had dementia; couldn’t remember you visited her after you left, but when we placed her in front of a piano she’d play and sing, she became the Ruth of our youth.


Something about Cousins

There were plenty of cousins too. The triplets got together with their children and their spouses at their mom’s house (grandma) every week. The cousins were very close as children, just as the triplets had been. Big family outings to the beach, the ball game, etc meant the cousins always had each other to play with. Now that the triplets’ generation is gone, we meet once every 5,10, or more years for a cousins’ club or sooner for a wedding, bar or bat mitzvah and/or a funeral. All the cousins live in different parts of the U.S. Arlene’s cousin Alan is like a brother to us and we chat and write on a regular basis. Email also helps to keep those that are interested up to date on what is happening in the lives of the cousins.

Family visits.

When we lived in Flushing we spent alternating weekends with family, after all who could resist a home cooked meal, although I must say Arlene had had to compete with her Mom in cooking, and competed by making reservations. Arlene happens to be an excellent cook,(just in case she happens to read this, please do not cut me off!!) Within three years of our marriage we moved out to Holtsville, Long Island and that made the weekly visits a little more difficult. After a few years we moved back to East Meadow, which was closer to Flushing, and then we were back on track again. Our parents always found a way to spend time with us wherever we lived, could it be because of the Grandchildren?

Ruth in her later years.

Bill, the love of her life, passed away in 1975. He was 83 years old, and 25 years older than Ruth. The triplets and twins and their families all lived within three buildings in Linden Towers, in Flushing, a fact I have not shared until now. When the twin brothers passed and their spouses did as well, the triplets went to live with their children.. Though separated from her sisters, Ruth was always joyful, she was one of the few people I know that would laugh at every joke I would tell except one. I failed to mention that the three sisters were short, under 5 feet. I used to tell a midget joke and I told her the joke and she asked me angrily, "what was so funny about that; we have a midget that lives in the next building." Hmmm, I never told that joke again. Til the end Ruth held on to her convictions her mother had taught her- It’s not nice to make fun of people.

When we moved to Florida in 1994 we took Ruth with us. While in New York she had the early signs of dementia, had a pace maker put in and had seizures that scared the heck out of us, til we found out what it was. Thru all of this she maintained her sense of humor. She was in a Catholic Hospital and there was a crucifix on the wall. Everyday she’d stare at it, point to it, and ask how that got into her room. Eventually they took it off the wall for her.

After a few years in Florida, Ruth’s condition got worse. We put her in a Jewish Federation nursing home, River Garden, which was close to our house. Arlene would spend 4 days a week visiting her and we’d take her out to eat on the weekends. When I’d go to pick her up I’d say, “I’m here to take you bungee jumping.” She’d tell everyone that she was going bungee jumping as she was leaving the building and laughing.

We made funeral arrangements for her when she was still well; we knew it was just a matter of time and she was in her 80’s, so we got the lay away plan. She wanted to be buried next to Bill in New York so we made all the arrangements and I asked the director if I could get frequent flyer points for flying her up. He laughed and said” no”. I told Ruth the story and she thought it was hysterical.

Before Ruth passed away she reached a vegetative state and did nothing but stare. She had a problem with her intestine and wound up in the hospital. We switched her to a hospice nursing home. She was brain dead and we asked for the feeding tube to be removed, this could not be done at River Garden. Arlene would spend every day with her, sitting and reading, thinking of their good times together and praying over her and crying. This was a special time for Arlene. On day 12, Arlene had spent the day with her mom at the hospice, came home and was finishing dinner, when she said “I want us to go back, I have a feeling that we need to.”

I kissed Ruth’s keppi as I did for so many years and held her and Arlene’s hands and we prayed. We noticed a peaceful look come over Ruth’s face; she had passed. We were so glad we were there for her passing and we like to think she knew it and waited for us. We stayed to make sure she was tagged properly and that she’d receive the ritual washing. I can now understand how a family can have a funeral at their home and keep the body in a room in the house until the time of burial. We really didn’t want to leave her alone. We wanted to be with her as she had been with us during life. Ruth was going to go to New York and our son and his wife along with Arlene’s brother Jack and his family with Alan, Arlene’s cousin, were to be there for the graveside funeral. We all recited prayers to celebrate her life. She was going to be with her Bill.

Before Ruth returned to N.Y. we were at the funeral home to settle all finances and pay up what was owed. Ruth was in a coffin in the next room. The invoice was presented for us to pay. I asked if I could use my Visa, and they agreed. I reached in my pocket and gave them my U.S. Air Visa. As I handed it to them I said, “Arlene, I got the frequent flyer points” and we started laughing. I went into the chapel and asked if we could look at her in her shroud, and then I whispered in her ear…”Ruth I got the frequent flyer points…they’re taking you bungee jumping”

As I read this I realize that there is so much more I can write about Arlene’s family and Ruth and will do so in a future column.

To all my friends at the Megillah have a wonderful Shavuot.