My First Ambulance Ride
I was working as a Shaliach- Courier on a scooter when a woman turned
in front of me and I rode into her. "Well," I said, "is it not obvious that I was in a n accident?" "No" I replied -when they promptly attached a brace around my
neck. "Sure"- I open my pants which he pulls below my hips and starts to feel
around. First the inner thigh, then the groin. Then he starts to push on
my bladder and asks "does it hurt?" I could not answer, as I wanted to let go right then. "Not until you have had an x-ray", he responds. "No" he said "My patient was lying down." It started to sink in that it was a circus here with no ring master so I said
"thank you for your hospitality" and left.
Now, in Israel the only quick way to claim damages is to lie still until an
ambulance arrives. When the Police also arrive they will take statements
and this will save you a lot of the time and prevent you from having to pay for
the damages yourself.
So, there I was, lying on the ground waiting for the ambulance seeing people
rush around trying to look busy so that they can tell their family in the
evening that they helped someone who was in an accident. I was in the Israeli
Army and I drove an ambulance for the IDF, so I know that 90% of the people who
are at the scene of an accident do not know what to do other than to look-
pretty morbid if you ask me.
So, back to lying on the ground; I heard the police car pull up with its siren
wailing, and I am thinking "good something is about to be cleared up," as I know
that the woman cut me off!
Well, to my surprise, the policeman leans down and informs me that I was in the
wrong and that I was passing on the right hand side,
Now lying on the ground in pain I tried to get a look at the woman.
I then realized why he accused me of being at fault.
The young woman was chatting and flirting with the cop and he was asking for her
phone number. I gathered that it was to give to me in order to make arrangements
to pay for the damages. Instead, he pockets the phone number and gets in his car
and drives off.
At this stage I wanted to stand up but I had severe pain in my left hip, so I
thought the better of it and asked a person next to me to get the woman's
particulars as the cop was thinking with his small brain instead of the large
one.
Eventually the Ambulance arrives.
"What happened?" I was asked.
"Does your neck hurt?" I was asked.
While lying on the ground I noticed my watch and cell-phone lying a few feet
away. I had to crawl to retrieve them myself.
On seeing me moving, the ambulance attendant said that there could not be
something seriously wrong with me if I could move.
I said "Hold on, I have serious pain in my left hip."
So, I was placed on a back-board and gently lifted into the Ambulance.
I'm now thinking thank G-d, I am actually on my way at last. Now I can get some
medical attention.
I hear the driver announce over the 2-way radio that it is a quiet evacuation-
which means no siren. OK, I'm thinking, but I'm in pain; does that not
count for anything?
Then the ride from hell began.
The driver must of had a hot date waiting or something, as he pulled off with
tires screeching and drove rather fast around the corner. I'm thinking, cool,
I'll get there fast.
But no one had tied the stretcher to the Ambulance, so I started to rock left at
the corner, feeling that I was about to fall out of the stretcher. I grabbed on
to the side shelf, just as the bandages and plastic packages tumbled out onto
me.
"Hey guys!" I yelled in Hebrew, to no avail. The next corner was like a roller
coaster ride and so were the next few after that. I'm thinking, it
would have been better if I had just stood up after the accident and taken
myself to the hospital.
After what seemed like an eternity, the back is in a shambles. Tubes, packets
and bags are everywhere when finally the ambulance stopped.
The doors flew open. I heard them curse the mess and I was pulled out.
Then the wheeled me down a corridor, just like you see in the movies. Neon
light ,ceiling, neon light, ceiling, neon light, wires-dark? Hey, where am I?
The trolley stops moving and I can barely make out wires above my head and stars
on my left.
So, I'm thinking this is it! You don't just see the light , it goes black first
and very quiet. All the while, I am strapped to the trolley in a neck brace and
chin strap, feeling totally helpless.
Minutes pass- for me it seemed like hours. The trolley starts to move forward,
bump, bump, sudden bright light-"I'm not ready please send me back".
No, it was the waiting room. I'm still here, good.
Now, I need the toilet badly as I had been drinking a lot of water before the
accident.
"Hello, I need the "sherutim."
"Not until the doctor has seen you" came the reply
Lie still and the pressure will not be so bad, I thought.
Cool so far so good.
All of a sudden I'm rocked back and forth. People are arguing. The ambulance
needs their back-board, but I'm still lying on it.
No problem. I was moved over to a bed where I was un-strapped and
unceremoniously dumped onto the bed so that the board could be removed. Oh! Sh#t!
The pain in my side and my bladder was about to explode!
A doctor's face appears. "Please open your pants so I can see if your spleen is
ok."
"OK" he says, "You need to go to x-ray your hip."
"Can I get up?"
He walks away leaving the curtain open for everyone to see me in all my glory,
lying on the bed.
Luckily the attendant arrived quickly and placed a light blanket over me and
started to wheel me down the corridor.
I knew it this time. When I hit the dark spot I smiled and thought well the
worst is over.
Sumo wrestling comes to mind when the x-ray technician flipped me from the
trolley onto the x-ray table, twisted me on to my side, and told me not to move.
By now I had gotten used to the pain in my side and it had been reduced by the
sudden pain in my back that I had received from the Sumo flip onto the table.
X-rays over, I'm flipped back onto the trolley and pushed into the corridor. Now
I was quite frustrated with the fact that i needed the sherutim fast.
I undid my own straps and climbed off the trolley and hobbled to the
sherutim and relieved myself of all the pressure..
After that I sat down next to the trolley to await the attendant's return to
take me back to the waiting room. I walked to the cool drink machine and had
myself a drink and read the local news. Eventually he returned but was very
angry.
"Where is the patient?" he asked the technician who by now had seen at least
four others and did not remember what I looked like.
He started to panic because losing a patient is very serious. I said "it's ok,
here I am."
I phoned a friend of mine to collect me from the hospital
A month later I received a bill for 1200.00 nis for my first Ambulance ride
My name is, Allen Materin. I'm 47 yrs old and live in Kfar Sava Israel
Please Note: all the above is true, my reflections on the situation came after
the fact.
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