There's a story titled, "Such A Son-in-Law." A young Jew and an elderly Jew are riding on a bus in Jerusalem. The young Jew asks, "Excuse me, sir, vifil halt der zaiger?" (What time is it?)

The elderly Jew says, "Freg mir nit keyn kashes." (Don't ask me any questions.)

"Excuse me, sir," the young Jew asks again, "Vifil halt der zaiger?"

The elderly Jew repeats, "Freg mir nit keyn kashes."

"Sir, forgive me for interrupting you all the time, but I really want to know what time it is. Why won't you answer me?"

The elderly Jew says, "Son, the next stop is the last on this route. I don't know you, so you must be a 'fremder' (stranger). If I answer you now, according to Jewish tradition, I must invite you to my "heym" (home). You're handsome, and I have a beautiful 'tokhter' (daughter). You will both fall in love, and you'll want to get 'khasene gehat' (married). And tell me, why would I want a 'eydem' (son-in-law) who can't even afford a watch?"

There's a TV program called "Nip/Tuck," in which two Miami plastic surgeons perform liposuction, breast augmentations, Botox, and other surgical indulgences. They're in the "vanity business." One patient said, "I don't want to be 'sheyna' (pretty). I want to look 'perfekt' (perfect)." The patients want to be a "tsen" (10), not a "nayn" (9) or "akht" (8).

According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, almost 6.6 million Americans had cosmetic surgery in 2002. Americans are spending more than $1 billion per year on purely cosmetic surgery.

One of the TV doctors, Christian Troy (Julian McMahon) is a "sheyn," self-assured guy (and goy), a modern-day sorcerer whose magic wand can transform a "mieskeit" into a fairy princess.

How obsessed are we with "sheynkayt"? (That's no "klotz kasheh"--foolish question.)

Jacques Joseph, a surgeon trained in Leipzig and Berlin at the end of the 19th century, was dismissed in 1869 by his Jewish supervisor for performing an operation that was purely cosmetic. For patients of limited means who "suffered from a 'Jewish nose,'" he is said to have provided his services pro bono.

500 to 1200 calories a day was the standard intake for Jews in the Lodz ghetto. 900 calories a day was standard at Treblinka. Nazi doctors settled on this as the minimum to sustain human life. Today, many "miracle" diets, whether they're from a magazine, a fancy spa, or a liquid-meal manufacturer, give similar nutrition to the body.

The Andrews Sisters recorded a version of "Bie mir bist du shein" (To Me You're Beautiful).

About 80% of 4th grade girls are on a "diete" (diet).

"Kinder" who had leukemia said the worst part wasn't "der veytik" (the pain), or the chemotherapy, or the possibility of death. It was being teased by the other children for not having "hor" (hair).

Researchers placed two fake personal ads, one for a "froy" described as 50 pounds "ibervog" (overweight), and the "anderer" (other) for a "froy" described as a drug addict. The drug addict received 79% of the responses.

There's a medical condition called body dysmorphic disorder (B.D.D.). It is an obsessive-compulsive disorder that doctors also call "broken mirror" syndrome. Its sufferers are often people with perfectly-aligned features who BELIEVE there are drastic flaws in their appearance: crooked noses, blotchy skin, and assymetric chins.

24% of women polled by MacLean's Magazine said they would give up three years of their life to achieve their weight goals. "Yeder mentsh hot zayn eygene meshugass." (Every person has his own madness.)

A psychological study in 1955 found that "dray minut" (three minutes) spent looking at a fashion "zhurnal" (magazine) caused 70% of women to feel depression, guilt, and shameful.

Barbra Streisand, as a child, was known as "big beak" and was teased for her prominent nose. Today, she's proud of her shnozzola. (From the Yiddish "shnoz," which derives from the German word for "snout." The term was popularized by comedian Jimmy Durante, who had a huge proboscis.)

Fanny Brice, unlike Streisand, got nose-straightening surgery.

One day Marlene Dietrich railed at her photographer for producing a series of unflattering close-ups. "What's wrong with you?" she exclaimed. "Eight years ago you used to make me look marvelous!" "I know," the photographer replied, "but I was much younger then."

Danya Ruttenberg ("Yentl's Revenge - The Next Wave of Jewish Feminism") wrote,

I've perused Jewish personals and found ads like this one: 'SJM, professional, fit, seeks slender SJF who's not Jewish-looking." Well, for plenty of us SJFs, that's gonna take serious effort to pull off--like obsessive dieting, surgery or perhaps a genetic rescrambling. Yet many a Jewess has gone under the knife with the preposterous notion that surgery will make her desirable, perhaps even marriageable. Others of us, myself included, swallow the bitter pill of occasional tribal rejection and ask: Why bother changing when we can find a goy-boy who worships us, "Jewish" looks and all?

Is plastic surgery for aesthetics reasons forbidden for a Jew? Can an Orthodox Jew get plastic surgery on her nose and her face lifted?

One of the fundamental duties of a Jewish wife is to make her appearance pleasing to the eye.

One of the most touching narratives in the Mishna concerns Rabbi Ishmael. A man had made a vow that he would not marry a certain woman on the ground that she was homely. Rabbi Ishmael then took the girl into his house and beautified her. Then he presented her to the young man who had made the vow and said to the young man, "Is this the girl you vowed you would not marry because you said she was homely?" The young man looked at this beautiful girl and said, "No, I would gladly marry her."

According to Alfred J. Kolatch ("The Second Jewish Book of Why"), "The vast majority of scholars approve of cosmetic surgery when it serves a positive psychological or practical purpose. This would include an operation for a girl to improve her appearance so she might find a husband. It would also include surgery to improve an individual's looks so he or she might be more successful in the business world."