A "boitshick" accompanied his "tateh-mameh" for a walk in the cemetery. The precocious boy read the laudatory epitaphs on the tombstones commemorating the deceased as "virtuous," "charitable, "beloved," and "klug vi der velt" (very smart). As they came away, he asked, "Tateh, vos tut zich?" (What is going on?) Where are all the 'shtiferish' (naughty) people buried?"

I have "moyde zayn zikh" (to confess) that I'm an obituarist--someone who reads, researches, and collects the obituary section of newspapers. Some people read the comics first. "Zaier gut."

Weinreich's dictionary defines the word obituary as "der necrolog."

Rabbi Marc Howard Wilson ("Marc Musing") wrote,
Capitulation, though, is an ever present urge. The day may come. When it does and you read my obituary, do not believe what it says about succumbing to aortic stenosis or cerebral embolism. You will know the truth: Schmaltz was my lethal paramour. Thus, you may be certain that just as my pacemaker shorted out and my stents collapsed, I toasted my Jewish heritage, went gently and well greased into that dark night, and died one happy, corpulent guy. Inscribe this on my tombstone: He liked his mayo, but gave his life for his schmaltz.

I get up every morning, read the obituary column in The New York Times, and if my name isn't there, I celebrate by taking a schnapps, and go back to bed. :-)

Eliezer Bryski translated the above lines into Yiddish:
Yedess morgen shtay ich mir oyf un ich layz die nekrologische tzetlazch in 'Der Times.' Geffin ich dort nisht mein nummen, bin ich zich mesamay'ach mit a trink schnapps, un kerr zich tzurick tzum bett."

Do I feel guilty? Is such an activity "narishkeit" (foolish)? Personally, I've always adhered to the Yiddish expression, "Der vos farshtait zein narishkeit iz a kluger"--He who understands his foolishness is wise.

Carolyn Gilbert, founder of the Int'l Assoc. of Obituarists and editor of ObitPage.com, says that the typical obit reader "has a great respect for history and research, a keen intellect, a wicked sense of humor, an interest in memorable lives, and an endless curiosity."

What pieces of our own existence do we find listed there among a "fraynd" (friend) or a "fremder" (stranger)? What memories? What questions? What "lektsye" (lesson)? Did "der nifter" (deceased person) have "mishpokhe"?

Ms. Gilbert asks," Is the obituary truly the end...or merely the beginning of a journey to unravel history...mystery...comedy...tragedy...or the great diversity of life and imagination?"

Here are some very special obits and eulogies:

Dora Wassermann passed away this past month. Ingrid Peritz (The Globe and Mail) wrote, "If there were murmurs of oy vey on the streets of Montreal yesterday, the lament was understandable: Dora Wasserman, maven of Montreal theatre and champion of the Yiddish language, had passed away.

Ms. Wasserman's raw willpower helped keep alive a language whose death notice had been signed more than once. She believed Yiddish was all about survival, and it drove her to stage plays in the Displaced Persons camps of Europe, and later to found the only resident Yiddish theatre in North America....

Jack Eisner (Jacek Zlatka), Holocaust chronicler had his obit in The New York Times. It included the introduction to his autobiography, "The Survivor": "I'm rich. I built up a $50 million import-export business. I own an apartment on Fifth Avenue in New York City and an estate in Connecticut. I have a yacht on the Rivera and I ride in a chauffeur-driven limousine. I know I must seem persistent. I guess I am. I must seem arrogant. Perhaps I am that too. Finally, it was the question that Mr. Eisner could not answer that troubled him. "Why me? Why not Grandma Masha? Why not Hela, Lutek, Mrs. Grinberg? What about Schmeel, the shoemaker?"

When Seymour Rexite, a onetime matinee idol of the Yiddish theater and radio died, his nephew, Mel Friedman, said:
A high, sweet tenor, Mr. Rexite had a career arc that swung from singing for Calvin Coolidge to playing host to a television show in educational television to singing with Mandy Patinkin at Lincoln Center. He also starred with his wife, the singer and actress Mariam Kresyn, for more than 40 years on the radio, performing pop standards in Yiddish. At one time they were heard on 18 radio shows a week.

When Bernard Manischewitz (Pres. of the B. Manischewitz Co. for 26 years) died, his New York Times obituary included one tongue-in-cheek radio ad which advised listeners not to eat Manischewitz matzos in bed because they were crispier and so might cause "a crummy night's sleep." The last paragraph--written by Douglas Martin--said, "He also believed that not dropping his name made good business sense. When he was in Alaska bargaining over the price of whitefish for making gefilte fish, Dr. Hoffman said he feared that if people knew he was Mr. Manischewitz, they might expect a higher price.

The obituary for Adela Miller Stein read, "Always 29. Died Mother's Day, May 12, 2002 after enjoying herself at a bar mitzvah. Beloved wife of the late William A. Stein, incredible mother of Dr. Dodie Stein and the late Mark Scheinman Stein. She never chose her friends by their weight or their age."

The obituary for Morton Goldstein read: "Renaissance man available to all...Survived by his wife of 53 years, Sonia, five children, five siblings, 5 wonderful grandchildren, and two computers."

The obituary for Rabbi Ephraim Oshry (2003) stated, "Rabbi Oshry was born in August 1914 in the town of Kupishok...in north central Lithuania...During the occupation he carefully recorded the questions of Lithuanian Jews as well as his responses, writing them on bits of paper torn from cement sacks he carried on forced labor and burying them in tin cans. He dug up the cans after he was freed and began writing out his notes when he reached Rome. He continued for years, taking care to cite the precise history of rabbinical opinion behind each decision."

The (2003) obituary for Eddie Jaffee, a press agent legendary for his lost causes, stated, "Proving that the phrase 'insecure press agent' was no oxymoron, Mr. Jaffe made no secret of his 2,500 sessions on the couch... Happily single, he married many years ago after his analyst warned he could become "a lonely old man." But, he recounted, after a month he told the analyst, 'I prefer to be a lonely old man.'"

When Larry Tisch died (2003), his eldest grandchild gave a heartfelt eulogy on behalf of all 15 grandchildren. "Pop was always there for each of us. He had a simple way of turning a simple conversation into a valuable lesson."

A eulogy was given by a granddaughter of Yitzak Rabin (1995). She said, "Others greater than I have already eulogized you, but none of them ever had the pleasure I had to feel the caresses of your warm, soft hands, to merit your warm embrace that was reserved only for us, to see your half-smile that always told me so much, that same smile which is no longer frozen in the grave with you."

The New York Times obituary for Dorothy Parker, the 73-year-old literary wit, was 2.600 words long. Written by Alden Whitman, it said, "She took seriously her couplet about women and glasses: Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses. Although she was quite nearsighted, she refrained from wearing her horn-rimmed spectacles in public, or when men were present. She much preferred to blink her luminous hazel green eyes...Miss Parker left no survivors."

Time magazine reported (June 30, 2003):
DIED, LEON URIS, 78, robust novelist of war's glories and ravages; in Shelter Island, NY. After serving as a Marine on Guadalcanal, he scored with best sellers set on the front lines of World War II (Battle Cry), the Warsaw Ghetto uprising (Mila 18), Israel (Exodus) and Palestine (the Haj). He also wrote his own epitaph; his tombstone will read: AMERICAN SOLDIER, JEWISH WRITER."

A eulogy delivered by Irving Fein at the funeral in Los Angeles for George Burns said: "Today we are here to pay our respects to one of the most beloved performers of the show business world. So, George, we'll miss you. I know you took your music with you, so wherever you are, I hope they're playing in your key."

When Sally Baron, a northern Wisconsin woman, passed away (2003) her family wrote her obituary. Almost in unison, what her children decided to include in the obituary was this: "Memorials in her honor can be made to any organization working for the removal of President Bush."

Gene Siskel, who died in 1999, was remembered as a "mensch," who was active in Judaism. Steven Nasatir, Chicago JUF/Jewish Federation president said, "In an era when public figures often have little to do with their community, Gene was a mensch whose Judaism was paramount in his life and who was a very willing and active member of his community."

The obituary for Arthur Rubinstein (1982) in The New York Times said,
ARTHUR RUBINSTEIN DIES IN GENEVA AT 95
"Arthur Rubinstein, one of the greatest pianists of the century, died quietly in his sleep at his home in Geneva yesterday.
...Rubinstein is the only pianist you could wake up at midnight and ask to play any of the 38 major piano concertos," according to Edouard von Remoortel, the conductor."

The obituary for Moe Howard (Moses Horwitz) read:
DIED. Moe Howard, 78, last survivor of the original Three Stooges slapstick comedy team; of lung cancer; in Hollywood. His black bangs cropped as if his barber had used a chamber pot, Moe cheerfully assaulted colleagues Larry, Curly and Shemp through more than 200 1930s farces, whacking them with mallets, tweaking noses, kicking shins, and deftly delivering thousands of the two-fingered eye punches that became his trademark, and endeared him in the 1950s to the first generation of television children."