Urban legend has it that in 1990 a woman entered a Haagen-Dazs in the Kansas City Plaza for an "ayzkrem"/"eyz krem" (ice cream) cone. The YIDDISH VERSION says that while she was ordering, another customer entered the store. She placed her order, turned and found herself staring "punim to punim" (face to face) with Paul Newman. He was in town filming Mr. and Mrs. Bridges. His "bloy" (blue) eyes made her knees buckle. He was "prekhtik" (gorgeous!) She finished paying and "shnell" (quickly) walked out of the store with her heart still pounding. Gaining her composure, she suddenly realized she didn't have her cone; she turned to go back in. At the door she met Paul Newman who was coming out. He said to her,
"Kumen tzurik" (come back). Are you looking for your 'ayzkrem' cone?"
Unable to utter a word, she nodded "yo" (yes).
"You put it in your purse."

"Az men zogt, ken men gloyben." (If people commonly say it, you can believe it.)

In 1994, Ben & Jerry's launched a search for a new CEO to replace Ben Cohen, who was stepping down to assume the position of chairman. The company launched its "Yo!" I Want to be CEO" contest. There were 30,000 entries. I, too, applied for "di shtele" (the job).

I told them that I could name the Top "tsen" (10) rejected Ben & Jerry "ayzkrem" flavors:

tsen -  Rocky Roadkill
nayn -  Cholesterol Chunk
akht -  Fudge Wapner
zibn -  It came From Wolf Blitzer's Beard
zeks -  Contraceptive Crunch
finf -  Last Will and Testa-mint
fir -  Marv Sherbert
dray -  Richard Simmon's Fruit Swirl
tsvey -  Michael Jackson's White Chocolate
eyns -  Cookies 'n' Crack

In more recent years, my list would have included these Presidential flavors (taken from Coop's List):

Impeach-Mint
Chubby Cheatin' Hubby
Horn Bubba Crunch
Hillary Chiller
Oval Office Surprise
Subpoena Colada
Scandalberry

In 2004, Gregg Easterbrook (www.ChronWatch.com) suggested these flavors:

Very Kerry Irish-Jewish-Czech Melting Pot (John Kerry)
Flavors from all over the world, blended together until indistinguishable.

Joe's Orthodox Swirl (Joe Lieberman)

John-Boy's Trial-Lawyer Delight (John Edwards)
Every carton contains a dead mouse; bite into it and Edwards will represent you in your suit against the dairy. (In the four years before he joined the Senate in 1999, John Edwards made a total of about $27 million as a personal injury lawyer.)

Ice Cream of Mass Destruction (George W. Bush)
The label lists nuclear, biological, and chemical content, but inspectors have been unable to find these ingredients.

Undisclosed Flavor (Dick Cheney)

And looking ahead to 2008... Hillary's Endless Fudge.

"Ich bin ahntoisht" (I am disappointed) to report that I did NOT get the job. However, I did receive the following eloquent response from the HR department:

"We almost wanted you, Marjorie Wolfe, to be our CEO. Congratulations! You did a great job on your application for the position of CEO for Ben & Jerry's. It warms our hearts--and blows our minds--that someone of your high caliber would even consider a career with us.

Your impassioned eloquence, remarkable qualifications and astonishing ability to consume super premium ice cream and frozen yogurt convinced the search team to put your name near the top of our long short list. What a rich, fulfilling life you've led. And what an appetite!

That said, it is with mixed ingredients that we give you the bad news, and the good news.
The bad news is you didn't get the CEO job.
The good news, however, is that you didn't get the CEO job. Whew! But now you can tell your children and grandchildren you came this close to running our company.

To say you're overqualified might seem like a cheap kiss-off. (And it might tick off the new CEO, and who needs that?) So let's just say that your talents and potential convinced us that a much higher calling awaits you. Yo! Go, and follow your destiny. You're just too valuable to the world to be peddling ice cream."

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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe, author of "Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction? Yiddish Trivia" is a real "nosher."
When Ben & Jerry are looking for a new "flavorologist," she'll be the "ershter" (first) to apply.