One cold winter day in Chicago, a poor Jewish man was slowly walking home from the factory when he passed by a fancy, expensive restaurant. He stopped before the huge glass window and gazed for several minutes at the rich people sitting in the plush warm room talking and laughing while eating delicious cheese blintzes, completely oblivious of him as though they were on another, higher plane of existence.

"Blintzes," he muttered to himself as he turned and continued home.

"Sarah," he announced to his wife as he closed the door behind him and threw his coat over a chair, "Sarah, I've been thinking, do you think you could make me blintzes? I would really like some blintzes."

"Of course, Max," she answered. "I'll try my best."

Sarah took out her old cookbook and opened it to "Blintzes."

"Aha!" she happily announced. "Here they are...blintzes!"

Two cups of flour, a cup of water..."Oh, look here, Max, it says we need cream cheese. We don't have cream cheese," she said sadly. "Listen, Sarah, you know what? Forget the cheese," consoled Max.

"Look here" she called out again. "It says we need walnuts, honey and raisins!"

"Forget that stuff, too," he advised.

"Oh, you are such a good husband, Max! But, what's this? What about cinnamon and brown sugar," she read out from the book.

"Not necessary!" he decreed. "Just please start baking already, Sarah, I'm really hungry."

So she ceremoniously lit the oven, mixed the flour and water, rolled it into cigar shapes, put them in to bake, and in just minutes they were sitting on a plate before a very happy Max, napkin tucked into his collar.

His knife and fork immediately went to work and within seconds he was actually doing it! He was eating blintzes just like the rich guys in their fancy restaurant.

Sarah watched him proudly as he slowly swallowed. After several seconds of complete silence, she couldn't resist. "Nu, what do you think? Do you like it?"

"You know, Sarah," said Max. "You know, I don't understand what those rich people see in blintzes."
(Story by Rabbi Tuvia Bolton, used with permission by chabad.org.)

Do you believe the Yiddish expression, "Fun iberessen cholyet men mer vi fun nit deressen"? (From overeating one suffers more than from not eating enough.)

A New York Times article by Clyde Haberman discussed the fact that the (Mike) Bloomberg administration unveiled more regulations for restaurants and bars. These proposals will change the way business is conducted in all five boroughs.

Because so many New Yorkers are overweight ("ibervog" or "zaftik"), certain restrictions are needed.

One idea, which involves "milkhidiker" (dairy) restaurants, would limit customers to "tsvey" (2) blintzes per order, instead of the usual three that are now the norm in many places.

"Bays dir di tsung" (Bite your tongue; pray it doesn't happen.)

WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT BLINTZES?

Blintzes are NOT to be confused with the German war "mashin" (machine).

The late Leo Rosten ("The New Joys of Yiddish") wrote, "I list blintz and blintzes together, because I never heard of anybody eating only one."

Blintzes are the Jewish answer to crepe Suzette.

Daniel Rogov ("Blintzes - The Heartland of Nostalgia") disagrees. He wrote, "A blintz is definitely not a crepe. Despite their multiple charms, no French crepe is worthy of the name of blintz. They are simply too foppish, too fragile and a bit too snobbish to do justice to the true blintz. Nor is the blintz an American flapjack or griddlecake. This is not to demean flapjacks, but one would no sooner make a blintz that thick than they would destroy its flavor by anointing it with an inordinate amount of maple syrup."

In the Neil Simon show, "45 Seconds from Broadway," there's a certain nameless coffee shop where numerous theatrical characters hang out. The shop is owned by the lovable and long-suffering Bernie and his wife, Zelda. They serve nice Jewish food like blintzes and borscht. (And let's not forget the haughty and mysterious woman named Rayleen, who walks into the coffee shop wearing an extravagantly ridiculous fur coat. Fox comments: "With one coat she wiped out the whole Bronx Zoo.")

Blintzes are a popular dish made of thin square shaped dough, which can be rolled in different fillings. It is served plain or with "smetent" (sour cream), "epl-tsimes" (applesauce), or topped with "frukht" (fruit) or jam.

Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain employed a special chef for the preparation of their blintzes. So impressed were they with the artistry of this chef that he was one of the few Jews who was neither exiled, forcefully converted or burned at the stake of the Inquisition.

Blintzes are traditional at Shavuot. To paraphrase Tevya in Fiddler on the Roof, "Why do we eat blintzes on Shavuot? I'll tell you why. I don't know! It's a tradition!"

In the book, "The Devil Ate My Blintzes," we read about Goldie and Gus, who live in Dogpatch-like bliss and sell "blintzes and wheel alignment" as well as "Chicken soup and transmission fluid." The trouble (and fun) starts when the Devil finds out about Goldie's "batam" (delicious) blintzes and all hell breaks loose. Do the forces of Evil and Destruction triumph over the forces of Goodness and Pot Cheese Filling? Read the "bukh."

Too Jay's, a restaurant chain in Florida, states on its website that they sell over 159,000 blintzes a year.

Trader Joe's sells a frozen package of 6 Tofutti Milk free Mintz's Blintzes (Dairy Free, Cholesterol Free, Lactose Free, and No Butterfat) for $2.95.

Ben & Irv's, a restaurant located in Huntingdon Valley, PA, offers its famous handmade cheese blintzes (3) with blueberry or cheese topping for $9.50. (If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it.)

There's a Yiddish curse that goes "Ver'n zol fun dir a blintse, un fun im a katz, er zol dikh, oysfres'n, un mit dir zikh dervarg'n, volt men fun aykh beyde poter gevor'n." (May you turn into a blintze, and may he turn into a cat, and may he eat you up and choke on you, so we can be rid of the both of you.)

The WONDER BREAD "vebzaytl" (website) offers this recipe for "WONDER BLINTZES":

l loaf Wonder Bread
4 tablespoons white sugar
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
2 (8 oz.) pkgs. cream cheese
2 tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup melted butter
1 pint sour cream (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray cookie sheet with non-stick cooking spray. Trim crusts off Wonder Bread........"A sof, an ek!" (That's enough--stop it!)


Ruth and Bob Grossman ("The French-Kosher Cookbook") define the word BLINTZ as follows: A crepe with a superiority complex.

A famous blintz story talks about a very pious rebbe who dies and goes to "himl" (heaven). The first day "der malakh" (the angel) brings him a bowl of plain chicken "zup" and a glass of tea. While eating, the rebbe sees down into Hell where people are dining on homemade blueberry and cheese blintzes, apricot kugel, and chocolate rugelach.

Unable to contain himself, the rebbe asks "der malakh," "How come they're eating so well down there, while all I get is 'zup' and 'tey'?"

"Nu? What can you expect?" replies the angel. "I should work to cook for only two people?"

_____
Before Marjorie eats her THREE blintzes, she promises to follow the Bloomberg proposal and study the Heimlich maneuver posters that restaurants are supposed to hang on their walls.