Joey Fatone is the host of a new NBC television program titled, "The Singing Bee." It's a variety-competition show that challenges contestants to accurately sing the lyrics to popular songs. There's no teleprompter and no middle ground for partially correct answers; contestants must be perfect...or they're OUT!

This "mishpocheh"-friendly show is conducive to playing (and singing) along at "heym."

"Di muzik" inspires hilarious wrong answers and amazing performances by those rare contestants who somehow manage to get every "vort" (word) right.

Could YOU sing the words to the 1924 Irving Berlin song written for Fanny Brice and titled, "Yiddisha Eskimo"? (It brought down the house with the line, "I'm one of God's frozen people.") Do you know the words to "Be True To Your Shul" (The Beach Boychiks), "Man of Constant Tsuris" (the Soggy Matzoh Boys), Mickey Katz ("Paisach in Portugal"), and "Hanukkah in Santa Monica"?

Now IMAGINE if we were offered a Jewish/Yiddish version of "The Singing Bee." Grab a pencil and let's see how well you would do. (The correct answers may be found at the end of the article.)

CONTESTANT #1
Complete the lyrics to the song,
"It's the Most Meshugganah Time of the Year":
(Source: "Chrismukkah Cookbook" by Ron Gompert)

It's the most meshugganah time of the year
Many gifts I'll be buying
and Latkes need frying
'Cause Chrismukkah's here...
It's the most meshuggunah time of the year

To the mall I'll be shlepping
You know I'll be kvetching
The roads will be jammed driving home
Then back out I'll be going
Menorah's not glowing
[fill in the blank]
___________________

CONTESTANT #2
Curvesome, loud-shouting Ethel Merman sang, "Take a Chance" The amusing lyric begins:

Sadie was a lady
Though her life was shady.
Edie had class
[fill in the blank]
___________________

CONTESTANT #3
"Dizzy Spells" (Jingle Bells) Shlomo Clausberg

I walked up the steps
To the Chinese place
It was quite a shlep
Ach such a red face

I got to the door
Oy it smelled so nice.
I was thinking
[fill in the blank]
___________________

CONTESTANT #4
In the B'way show, "Fiddler on the Roof," Golde sings to Tevye:

Do I love you?
With our daughters getting married
And this trouble in the town,
You're upset, you're worn out,
Go inside, go lie down.
Maybe it's [fill in the blank]
___________________

CONTESTANT #5

This 54-second tune aired twice on "Garrison Keillor's American Radio Company in 1990.

I'm spending Hanukkah, in Santa Monica,
Wearing sandals lighting candles by the sea
I spent Shavuous, in East St. Louis,
A charming spot but clearly not the spot for me.

Those eastern winter, I can't endure 'em,
So every year I pack my gear
[fill in the blank]
___________________

CONTESTANT #6
The song "Nights of Hanukkah"

On the eighth night of Hanukkah
my shaindy gave to me
Eight pickled heerings,
Seven kosher chicken,
Six stuffed cabbage,
Five rolls of tums...
Four pans of brisket,
Three latkes,
Two pounds of lox and
[fill in the blank]
___________________

CONTESTANT #7
"Pretty Fly For A Rabbi" (parody of "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)" by The Offspring.

People used to scoff, now they say "Mazel tov!"
He's [rabbi] such a macher 'cause he worked his tuchis off
Yeah, he keeps his cool and teaches shul
What's not to like? What's not to like?
On high holy days, you know he prays and prays
[fill in the blank]
And "Oy Vey."
___________________

CONTESTANT #8
Irving Kruger remade the popular standard song, "Wouldn't It Be Loverly" into Yiddish camp.
Complete the missing words:

All I vant is ah man somevere
E should dense like [fill in the blank] [fill in the blank].
Good teeth and lots of hair
Oy, wouldn't it be loverly."
___________________

CONTESTANT #9

"Dem Pedlers Brivl" (The Peddler's Letter) by Y. Brisker, tells of how immigrants are advised by their friends to take a pushcart until they can establish themselves in some business. (Source: "The Yiddish Song Book" by Jerry Silverman)

O, my dearest Mama, you ask how I'm doing,
You ask what I do here in this golden land.

I cannot write, Mama dear, lies in my letter,
so I'll write the truth with a trembling hand.

I peddle, I peddle in all of the big houses,
Not one is too far, not one is too tall.
In heat and in cold and in wind and in rainstorm,
We creep and we run till exhausted we fall.
In heat and in cold and in wind and in rainstorm,
[fill in the blank]
___________________

CONTESTANT #10
"Shoot The Shtrudel To Me, Yudel"
by Henry Foner and dedicated to Yudel Slutsky. (chorus). Source: "Jewish Currents," July-August 2006.

Shoot the shtrudel to me, Yudel,
Watch my tongue hang out with glee,
'Cause I know that kind food'll
Brighten up the day for me.

Let me grapple with that apple,
Let me taste those flakes sublime,
Raisin filling's very thrilling
[fill in the blank]
___________________

ANSWERS:

1. I'm all out of candles you know.
2. With a cap-i-tal K.
3. Mu shu pork but now I need advice.
4. indigestion. ("boykhveytik" in Yiddish)
5. And come out here to Purim.
6. a bobka with a glazel tea.
7. And he never eats pastrami on white bread with mayonnaise.
8. Fred Astaire (who else?)
9. We creep and we run till exhausted we fall.
10. In Apple Shtrudel Time.
___________________

Marjorie agrees with Theodore Bikel ("Theo"), who wrote, "Jewish song in America--wherever it still exists--is changing in form and shape...There are temple youth groups that sing 'Adon Alom' ("Master of the Universe") to the tune of the Beatles' 'Yellow Submarine.'"