DOV TALES
by Dov Burt Levy

I offer advance notice for September 9, the first Sunday after Labor Day, which has been, since 1978, Grandparents Day, my favorite secular holiday.

I have watched grandparents play with their grandchildren in parks, on beaches, at zoos, all over the world. I have seen workaholic men and women throw off their working shackles and spend hours playing blocks or other games with a small grandchild.

I remember my friend, Marty, in Jerusalem, in pain from various ailments, a crusty and cynical guy during his last years, as he fed his two-year-old grandson: his face shone, his eyes gleamed, his mouth puckered and he smiled. I am talking about Marty, not the boy, who, in turn ate with joy and smiles.

Up until age 6 or so, a grandchild will accept all the attention and affection we have to give. They take your hand or grasp your finger and go anywhere, for as long as you wish, to a playground, beach, restaurant, a museum or just a long walk.

Novelists tell this love story better than journalists. Bernard Kops' novel "Settle Down Simon Katz" has Katz as a despicable guy, never worked an honest day, scams his son, harasses his daughter, kicks his cat and doesn't pay his bills. But about his granddaughter: "Being Sharon's grandfather was preferable to any other occupation in the world. As he imagined the face of Sharon, he could not help himself kissing the photograph of Betty [his deceased wife]…the spitting image of the child; the same smiling face, the same eyes… 'Sharon', he spoke her name aloud… his most beautiful and only grandchild."

Until about age six, grandchildren accept our attention and affection, about as much as we have to give. But when the realization comes that they can have fun and playdates with kids their own age, grandparents can be relegated to a minor role. For some grandparents this change can be devastating, causing almost a pathetic begging for the child's time.

Listen to teenager Claire in Joyce Carol Oates short story, "Why Don't You Come Live With Me, It's Time."

"'Come by any time dear, no need to call first,' my grandmother said often… I would bicycle across the river to her house once or twice a week, or drop in after school… but I never stayed for long, her happiness in my presence made me uneasy."

The good news is that after around age 20, things can change dramatically. I met Bernice Rosenblatt, the Marblehead Jewish Community Center receptionist, four years ago. We chatted. I asked if she ever visited Israel. "No," she replied, "It seems like it is always too dangerous." A pleasant woman doing her job well.

Fast-forward four years. Her grandson, Eli Rosenblatt, now 22 years old, completed a long course in Jerusalem and is now studying and working in the Jewish community in Vilnius, Lithuania. His sister, Dara, 17, just finished a two-week conclave at an international Jewish camp in Hungary.

Today, Bernice literally beams as she works. I ask about her grandchildren and she lights up so brightly that I am thinking the JCC could save energy by shutting off its fluorescent lighting. She hands me a copy of Eli's latest e-mail describing an encounter helping a frail elderly Jewish man walk home.

"It will bring tears to your eyes," she says. And it does.

"What do you think about visiting Israel now that Eli has been there and loves it?" I ask.

"I am ready to go."

Too bad that Grandparents Day never really caught on like Mothers Day or Fathers Day. Still, a Google search for "Grandparents Day" on your computer will bring thousands of citations, most showing efforts of local school children to visit and give joy and presents to the elderly living in nursing homes. Many of our own local schools do similar projects during the year.

What a great day for grandparents and grandkids (the parents can even come along) to do something special, write something, look at pictures together, video tape a conversation between grandparents and the kids, to get on the record the life and times of both. Perhaps you will do something, even just think about your grandparents or your grandkids, write it down, send it to me, and we will make another column to share with readers.