EDDY'S PAGE
by Eddy Robey M.A.

This morning, I walked around my house, looking for any empty glasses, and carrying them to the kitchen. I've been doing this for 30 years; the chore stays the same, but the reason for it is very different.

When I was younger, it upset me that my family wasn't considerate enough to take care of their own dirty glasses. A close second to the problem was that they seemed to need a new glass for each drink. That meant not only dealing with empties, but many more of them than were necessary.

Oh, how I used to fret and fume about those glasses. I tried pleasant reminders, posted signs, nagging, and even leaving them in place until there were no clean glasses in the house. Nothing worked, no matter how many arguments took place, the problem remained.

Then, I made a decision to make everyone a present of just keeping quiet about it. No, I didn't decide to cave in about everything; only to let them know that I cared for them too much to let the peace in our household be constantly threatened by this annoyance. Of course, I also made sure they knew I was no fool, and that there'd be the dickens to pay if anyone left a wet towel on the floor.

Every relationship holds some variation of my problem with those glasses. Perhaps, a person you care for says "you know" in every other sentence, or always leaves the newspaper an unfolded jumble for the next reader. Maybe they always take 20 minutes studying the menu at the pizzeria before ordering the same thing they have every time, or insist upon squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the tube.

Whatever the annoyance, it often becomes the source of an ongoing struggle of wills which is out-of-proportion to its real importance in the scheme of things. I am going to suggest that you examine your priorities, and give the people you love a gift which will do wonders.

Pick something which bothers you, and decide to stop mentioning it. Tell the other person, "I really don't like seeing the newspaper all jumbled, but I love you too much to let it be the cause of a problem. I am going to make you a gift of keeping quiet about it." Don't carry on any conversation about the gift, or let the giving become a chance to deliver one last pitch for them to change their ways. Just let it go.

They will be grateful, and the next time you complain about something, they won't already be in the habit of tuning you out because they are sick of hearing about the darn newspaper. You will be happier as well, for if you decide to let go of that source of stress, life will be more pleasant.

We all have flaws and annoying habits. Love is about acceptance, not alteration. The adage says that Silence is Golden. I can guarantee that the gift of silence will be more appreciated than gold.