EDDY'S PAGE
by Eddy Robey M.A.

A day of gratitude is such a lovely idea. We all like to imagine a beautiful table surrounded by smiling friends and family. In our fantasies, everyone enjoys the food and is on their best behavior. After having prepared the feast for thirty-five years, in my own home and those of others, I can tell you that the perfect day doesn't just happen. A well-ordered holiday experience means the host must do more than cook and clean; he and/or she must be willing to take control of the event.

No, I don't mean standing around telling everyone what to do or say. Taking control means doing whatever is reasonably possible to avert possible sources of tension. For example, don't use any china or crystal which cannot be easily and inexpensively replaced. A certain amount of breakage is almost an inevitability when entertaining. You should be able to smile and say, "Don't worry about it; I can always pick up another one." if a guest drops a plate or goblet.

There are some problems which arise time and again in the letters I receive from readers. It is futile to hope they will disappear of their own accord. However, it is possible to head many of them off by a bit of planning. Below, are a few of the more common difficulties and some preventative measures which are likely to help.

A host must set limits as to acceptable conversation. First and foremost, especially for a Jewish gathering, this must mean no Loshen Hara, which translates as gossip or bad speech. Do not allow it under your roof or in your presence. How do you stop someone who wants to gossip? Tell them to stop. It is forbidden in Torah, end of subject. The same holds true for any sort of hate speech.

Remember the power of silence. There are always people who ask inappropriate questions, but there is no reason to answer them. Whether it is someone asking when you are going to have children, or how much you paid for your dress: just look them in the eye and say nothing. No, you don't need to be cute and ask them why they want to know; just be quiet. On the subject of questions, be aware that no young person enjoys being grilled by their elders. Conversations which consist of asking about school or career plans do nothing to build bridges of affection between generations.

Serving large roast birds can present several problems: the discussion about who will carve, impatience while that happens, guests who insist that their cholesterol counts will skyrocket should they not get white meat, others who want to eat all the skin, and those who can't manage to keep their unwashed fingers off the carcass when you're trying to put it away. All of these can be avoided by serving Cornish hens. Have the butcher saw them in half, which is a perfectly sized portion. These take much less time in the oven, freeing it for other items. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees, and bake for one hour. Yes, that's right, one hour for all of them, rather than the time needed for a huge Turkey.

Another headache are those folks whom I call the sliver people. You know who they are, demanding to be served "just a sliver" of dessert. In my experience, most of these diners consume enough slivers to equal two or three normal portions. The best way to stop them is to serve individual tarts and cupcakes. Failing that, cut the desserts into portions, and refuse to cut any of those portions in half. Tell anyone who protests to just leave the rest on their plate.

Men watch football on Thanksgiving, get over it. Learn to plan mealtime for after whichever game is of most importance to your guests.

Do not serve anything which involves the use of tinned yams. Most guests will take one small spoonful, eat the melted marshmallows off the top, and smear the rest around on the plate.

Don't argue with or about children. Make an announcement that nobody needs to eat, even for just a taste anything which does not appeal to them. Then, because some mothers just can't help being pushy, avoid having anything such as Brussels sprouts on the table. If a youngster becomes noisy or difficult, insist that they leave the room immediately. As a corollary to this, do not allow parents to insist that the assembled company become a captive audience for any sort of recital.

Appetizers do not spoil anyone's dinner; they keep people from nudging you to serve before you are ready. The point of a holiday meal is that it should be enjoyed, not to see how much can be consumed at one sitting.

If you are serving red wine or tomato-based sauces, don't use a white tablecloth. If you have a light-colored carpet, don't serve red wine or tomato-based sauces

Purchase a supply of disposable plastic containers, if you intend to send leftovers away with your guests. Never send anyone else home with a container you want returned, or one which is so old that you don't want to see it again.

Wear the most comfortable pair of slippers you own. You can face almost any problem with a smile, as long as your feet don't hurt.

Have a very large supply of paper towels, a wastebasket, and a pump bottle of hand soap in the bathroom.

Write an appropriate speech of gratitude to deliver before the meal. After everyone has gone home, read it again, and remember how blessed you were to have loved ones with whom to share the day.