They are as sick that surfeit with too much
As they that starve with nothing.
William Shakespeare


My mother could make a stone soup so delicious her guests would ask for more. Indeed cooking was far more than a kitchen chore to her. It was her brand of artistic expression and she was a master at it. Because her childhood and early-married life were spent in The Great Depression, she abhorred waste. Throwing away uneaten food was as great a sin to her as soliciting on street corners for pin money. Nice women simply did not do it.

Holidays were my mother’s special joy and her biggest challenge. She loved to prepare gigantic feasts for the entire world to enjoy (or at least as many as she could cram around our dining room table) but she abhorred disposing of so much as one grain of uneaten rice. Every holiday, she cooked enough food to stockpile all of Toledo in case of enemy attack, but despite heroic effort and many telephone calls, only managed to serve thirty-five people at one sitting. The result?

LEFTOVERS.

Now, my mother was fully aware that no one likes to feel they are eating exactly the same thing they consumed the night before in different dress. They want to approach the table filled with eager anticipation of a new entree, novel side dishes and a succulent dessert they have never tasted before. Every Thanksgiving, my mother managed an original interpretation of turkey, a sweet potato creation so well disguised that one year, my cousin Ricky thought she was feeding him braised liver, and cranberry sauces so red and shimmering one hated to dip into them. It seemed a sin not to save them to adorn the Christmas Tree. My mother’s forte was dessert. She invented pies and cakes sufficient to stock a large bakery well past Valentines Day and served them in groups of three.

The week after Thanksgiving, we all thought my inventive mother served us a brand new menu every single day, but in reality every dish had been going the rounds for several months and we would be eating them in many other forms until the New Year.

While she was alive, she never shared the secret of her artful disguises with anyone. It was only when I discovered her recipe box in the back of the breadbox, that I realized that the chili con carne she served in mid-December had actually been born the week before Halloween. Its frequent heat treatments in oven and grill had transformed the orange candy it received at birth into sweet, nut-like beans. As I rifled through those food smeared cards with the notations penned in my mothers hand, it occurred to me that not only every cook, but also the entire universe would benefit from my mother’s recycling procedures. Her menus could well be published by a reclamation company to be distributed as a fundraiser for The Save-the-Planet Coalition. I offer here the first (unedited) edition:

THURSDAY’S MEAL:

While we waited for the big moment:

Barbecued wheat and barley crackers with cranberry/rum dip

And then we rolled up our sleeves, tucked our napkins into our collars and addressed:

Twice baked yams with crackled sesame seed topping

Deep fried Brussels sprouts in beer

Roast turkey with pineapple glaze and mango/avocado stuffing with wild rice

Cranberry pineapple surprise (it had coconut and brown sugar in it)

Sun-dried tomato popovers with grievenes

After a suitable rest, we loosened our belts and did:

Butter Pecan Divinity flambé

Pumpkin Almondette petit fours

Marbled chocolate rum pie a la mode

Real double strength coffee (So she could blame the beverage for the inevitable restless night our digestive systems created))

Here is what happened to each dish as it traveled from the half empty platters of The Big Feast, to the refrigerator through my mother’s stove and back to her dining room table:

The twice baked yams became Sweet Potato Pone on Friday, Sweet Potato Balls with pineapple (remember the glaze for the turkey?) on Saturday, an orange juice-raisin casserole on Sunday, flavored with bourbon and baked in a casserole topped with sour cream on Monday, individual casseroles laced with Rice Krispies and cheddar cheese on Tuesday and part of the salad mold on Wednesday.

The Brussels sprouts were hidden in a pineapple pistachio salad on Friday, creamed on Saturday, soufflé on Sunday, breaded and fried into cakes on Monday, part of the hash browns on Tuesday and incorporated into a stir fry on Wednesday.

The cranberry/ pineapple surprise appeared in recognizable form on Friday. Saturday, it was used as part of a chilled soup topped with sour cream, Sunday it was in a frozen mayonnaise and cream cheese appetizer, Monday, it became part of a Waldorf salad, Tuesday it was marbleized through one of the other desserts and Wednesday, the fritters we ate with our casserole had a distinctly Hawaiian flavor.

The sun dried tomato popovers were crushed and used as toppings for the casseroles and also appeared in the sweet potato balls, the hash brown patties and the crunchy mushroom omelet with peanut butter that became our Tuesday dessert. Wednesday, they were the crunchy topping for the Must Go Casserole

My mother’s ingenuity was most severely tested with the turkey. It is, after all, still turkey and very hard to mask as anything else, but mama ‘s ability rivaled a plastic surgeon working on a burn victim. The carcass instantly became turkey broth frozen and used until the following Thanksgiving. Friday, we had turkey a la king with pimentos and stuffed chestnuts, Saturday, turkey pot pie (those popovers became the crust), Sunday, turkey enchiladas with home made red chili sauce (remember those cranberries?) Monday, the bits remaining became turkey lasagna with whipped Ricotta, Tuesday anything left was deep fried into fritters with a marshmallow sauce and the Wednesday remains were dumped into the Must Go casserole.

The desserts reappeared on Friday in their original form. On Saturday, they became English Trifles saturated with Zinfandel, Sunday, they were incorporated into a fig preserve cake glazed with a buttermilk whip, Monday they made up most of a fruit cake soaked in brandy, Tuesday they were incorporated into a pumpkin roll dusted with confectioners sugar and filled with cream cheese. Wednesday they were laced through our pineapple (there it is again!) parfaits topped with a crunchy candied nut combination (remember those popovers!)

Thursday we ordered pizza. It was the first recognizable meal we had eaten all week.


Cave cibum, valde malus est.
Heard at my mother’s dinner table
One week after any holiday.

MUST-GO CASSEROLE

Ingredients may be substituted with anything suitable in the refrigerator.

Whatever turkey is left, diced.

2T lemon juice
1 C chopped popover crumbs laced with sunflower seeds and Wheat Germ
¾ C moistened pineapple/ cranberry surprise
Grated brussel sprouts
Three raw eggs
1 C turkey broth with bones removed
¼ C pureed chestnuts
2 pimentos, diced
3T peanut butter
Anything without mold still in the refrigerator
1 ½ C crushed petit fours mixed with slivered almonds, coconut and crushed potato chips.
¼ pound real butter

Combine all ingredients except real butter and petit four combination and place in a large greased, opaque casserole.

Top with the petit four mixture and dot with butter.

Bake at 350 degrees until it bubbles and forms a good edge.

Let settle before serving.

Begin this meal with Double Whiskey Alexanders served with celery stuffed with Roquefort cheese moistened with Smirnoff and topped with braised grass.

After dinner, serve your guests coffee topped with whipped kaopectate.*

Leave immediately on the holiday cruise you booked for the first week in December.

WHIPPED KAOPECTATE

Combine one 8 oz bottle of Kaopectate (without additives) with 4 oz. applesauce, two T Milk of Magnesia, 1T Bran, 3 T honey and a cup of whipping cream. Blend until smooth and top with cinnamon.

Delicious! (and very effective.)