Susan Talberg's family has communication problems. Sure, they can talk, complain and argue with the best of 'em, but they cannot communicate on an honest level. They keep their feelings and emotions bottled up like ultra-expensive perfume, afraid to use a precious drop of its essence in fear of spilling the bottle.
What results from this economy of emotions? Lynn Ruth Miller, explores this question in the pages of her autobiographical novel, Starving Hearts.
This book is the Bible of dysfunctional communication and Jean Talberg, Susan's mother, is the Burning Bush of negativity. Susan can do nothing right and she treats herself like the ultimate loser. Compounding her insecurities, Jean criticizes Susan's every thought and movement. Mother is the master manipulator who uses the basic element of life, food, as her primary tool.
Susan internalizes the constant criticisms and considers herself unworthy of happiness or pleasure. To cope with the negativity, she stuffs herself with the food her mother uses to control her. When this fails to win the approval she craves, her body spews the life force down the toilet. Her mother's culinary efforts are flushed away along with all of the feelings and emotions they were meant to repress.
We follow Susan through college, her relationships with friends and ultimately her marriage to a man she fell in love with when he was dating her best friend Margie. The marriage does not work out as it once again proves to be manipulative and abusive, similar in scope to the one she has with her mother.
In essence, Starving Hearts is the story of a family afraid to confront their own realities and emotions. The Talbergs wind up cheating themselves of the love and intimacy that could make their lives complete. Susan comes to understand on her own, that she is a worthwhile person who is deserving of a life that brings her satisfaction, love and happiness.
Starving Hearts is an intimate personal story of survival and awakening. It demonstrates the dangers of obsessive behaviour, repressed communications and dishonesty when dealing with others and ourselves.
Susan learns that love does not mean always having to say you're sorry. She discovers that her mother used criticism and food as a means of controlling the people around her. Moreover, she learns that her mother had demons of her own knocking at the door of her consciousness. A door she refused to open in fear of confronting her own vulnerability. In the end, Susan begins to understand and grow into the person she is meant to be.
For anyone touched by eating disorders this book is a "must read." Starving Hearts gets to the root of what food can represent to a person and it shows ways to confront the demons that manifest themselves in these diseases. Even if eating disorders are new to you, this book will encourage a closer look at communication and honesty in your relationships.