1. Q: What does HMO stand for?
A: This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.

2. Q: I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A: Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan.
But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and has a diploma from a Third World Country.

3. Q: Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A: No. Only those you need.

4. Q: Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A: Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

5. Q: What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A: You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

6. Q: My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomachache. What should I do?
A: Poke yourself in the eye.

7. Q: What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A: You really shouldn't do that.

8. Q: I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem.
Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?
A: Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $15 co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.

Hope this helps!!...please stay super healthy!!!