How to Ask Him to Marry Me?
Q. I am a divorced mother of two beautiful boys. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who also has a son of his own. When we started dating, he told me he wanted to marry me but I was not ready then. He said, jokingly, that when I was ready I should ask him. That was a year and a half ago and now I'm ready. However, I don't know how to go about it. Should I buy him a ring or maybe a watch with the back engraved? Should I ask his parents for their blessing? This is a good thing and I'm excited about it. I just want to do it right.

A. If you're sure your ready, take him at his word. Go out to dinner, somewhere you know you both like. Have dinner. Before dessert arrives, remind him of the conversation when you started dating, and tell him you're ready. THEN ASK HIM! Yes, there are more dramatic ways of doing it, but I've never seen a lot of romance in proposals made while bungee-jumping, or climbing up the outside of the Empire State Building.

To me a proposal of marriage is something that's solemn, joyful, an admission of vulnerability, and an offer to share life with someone forever. Any "stage setting" needs to be something that puts the two of you in an appropriate mood. Please write back and let us know how it all works out. Meanwhile, I send you my very best!
Best Regards,
Digit

Our Children Have no Respect for Us
Q. We have three children, ages 15, 17 and 18. They are good kids, but they really don't have any respect for us. We love our children, but have lost control. Whatever advice you could give us would be greatly appreciated.

A. Well, three teenagers can certainly be a hand full. We don't envy you at all! First we suggest that you talk to your children and ask them how they feel when they aren't respected. You are the bosses of the house and the kids need to always know that. Instead of force, withhold personal/ material things from your kids such as computers, cell phones, TV etc. Also to get respect you need to give respect so examine your own actions around them. Do you show others, including your children respect? Are you setting a good example in the house? Respect and control are very difficult to get back after you have lost them.
Best Regards,
Older-Maybe-Wiser

Lost a Friend
Q. I've had a friend since the 4th grade. We grew up together. Now we are both living on our own and are both engaged. Lately, she has started avoiding me and stopped returning my calls. Since my fiancé could see how upset I was by this, he called her and asked her what the problem was. She told him that she did not approve of my relationship with him and felt that it was bad for me. She reiterated that while she felt bad that our friendship had to end, she did not want to talk to me again. I'm hurt and confused. What should I do?

A. I'm sorry you are losing such a long-lasting friendship, but that's what is happening, and I think you're going to have to let it go. If your friend isn't brave enough to talk with you directly about her concerns for you in your relationship with your fiancé, your only choice will be to accept her decision and move on in your life. IF you have any idea why she objects to your engagement or worries about how your fiancé will treat you, then listen carefully to your own inner soul about it. She has been your friend longer than he has been and may be seeing something that "love" is blinding you from. You know better than she does on what factors your planned marriage is founded, so think about it carefully and then make up your mind.
Best Regards,
Ursula

Elder Wisdom Circle is a nationwide network of seniors aged 60-97 offering their experience and advice to anyone with a question. Letters are compiled by Dr. Ajay Ravindranathan and Doug Meckelson. Visit www.ElderWisdomCircle.org  to seek advice.