They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: 1.The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2.The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." ---------------------------------------------------------- 3.Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. ---------------------------------------------------------- 4. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ---------------------------------------------------------- 5.The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. ---------------------------------------------------------- 6. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. ---------------------------------------------------------- 7.Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ---------------------------------------------------------- 8.For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. ---------------------------------------------------------- 9.The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy." ---------------------------------------------------------- 10. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. --------------------------------------------------------- 11. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. --------------------------------------------------------- 12. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. ---------------------------------------------------------- 13, Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. ---------------------------------------------------------- 14.The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. ------------------------------------------------------- 15. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. ----------------------------------------------------- 16.The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ----------------------------------------------------- 17.This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. ------------------------------------------------- 18. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. --------------------------------------------- -------- 19.The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. ----------------------------------------------------- 20.Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. P lease use the back door. ---------------------------------------------------- 21.The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. ------------------------------------ --------------- 22. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. --------------------------------------------------- 23.The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
Advertisement
Advertisement