Jewbilation (n.) Pride in finding out that
one's favorite celebrity is Jewish or that your offspring is marrying a Jewish
person.
Torahfied (n.) Inability to remember one's
lines when called to read from the Torah at one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah . (OR from
the Hagadah at Passover )
Matzilation (v.) Smashing a piece of matzo to
bits while trying to butter it.
Bubbegum (n.) Candy one's mother gives to her
grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.
Chutzpapa (n.) A father who wakes his wife at
4:00 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper.
Deja Nu ( n.) Having the feeling you've seen
the same exasperated look on your mother's face, but not knowing exactly
when.
Disoriyenta (n.) When Aunt Linda gets lost in
a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.
Hebort (v.) To forget all the Hebrew one ever
learned immediately after one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah .
Jewdo (n.) A traditional form of self-defense
based on talking one's way out of a tight spot.
Mamatzah Balls (n.) Matzo balls that are as
good as your mother used to make..
Meinstein - slang. "My son, the genius!"
Mishpochadots (n.) The assorted lipstick and
make-up stains found on one's face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and
cousins at a reception.
Re-shtetlement (n.) Moving from Brooklyn to
Miami and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo building as
you.
Rosh Hashana-na-na ( n.) A rock 'n roll band
from Jewish Brooklyn .
Yidentify (v.) To be able to determine Jewish
origins of celebrities, even though their names might be St. John , Curtis,
Davis or Taylor.
Minyastics (n.) Going to incredible lengths
and troubles to find a tenth person to complete a Minyan .
Feelawful (n.) Indigestion from eating Israeli
street food, especially falafel.
Dis-kvellified (v.) To drop out of law school,
med. school or business school as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents
and Uncle Sid. In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when
Irv's son David is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for
diskvellification.
Impasta ( n.) A Jew who starts eating leavened
foods before the end of Passover.
Kinders Shlep (v.) To transport other kids
besides yours in your car.
Schmuckluck (n.) Finding out one's wife became
pregnant after one had a vasectomy.
Shofarsogut (n.) The relief you feel when,
after many attempts, the shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur .
Trayffic Accident (n.) An appetizer one finds
out has pork in
it.