If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
No one leaves a Jewish wedding hungry; but then again, no one leaves with a hangover.
No one looks good in a yarmulke.
The optimist sees the bagel, the pessimist sees the hole.
Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?
Twenty percent off is a bargain; fifty percent off is a mitzvah.
Wine needs to breathe, so don't rush through the kiddish.
Remember, even Sandy Koufax didn't play ball on Yom Kippur.
Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon.
Prune danish is an acquired taste.
Before you read the menu, read the prices.
Tsuris is a Yiddish word that means your child is marrying someone who isn't Jewish.
What business is a yenta in? Yours.
Prozac is like chicken soup: it doesn't cure anything, but it makes you feel better.