There’s No Business Like The Trade Show Business

I had emailed Michael Fein saying that I was so excited about reviewing “It’s Good To Be The King”, and for July I’d like to review “The New York Yellow Pages”. I immediately received a response, “Mel, stop, everyone knows the plot, it ends in Z”.

I then picked up a copy of the N.Y. talking Yellow Pages but half way thru it stopped talking to me so, this month I’m sharing some of my true life experiences at gift trade shows, which I worked for twenty-five years selling Gallo fine pewter sculptures. I enjoyed doing that more than anything else because I owned the company, and it’s really good to be the king!

San Francisco

It was in the fall of ’87 and I was working the “San Francisco Gift Show”, at Moscone Center. Buyer traffic was excellent the first two days but on the 3rd day there were fewer buyers in the building. To amuse myself and to keep my energy level up, I interacted and befriended other nearby exhibitors. I looked at the products being sold and realized I was surrounded by people selling some unusual wares. I befriended Bill who was selling laser pointers amongst other things. At the end of my counter stood a pewter stand with a sparkling 100 mm crystal ball that was dazzling. The crystal ball was manufactured in Austria and the stand was our own original design. I asked Bill to point and click the laser on the crystal ball, which he did. It immediately began glowing red. We then agreed that when I’d move my hand in a circular motion above the ball he’d turn the laser beam on, and when I’d stop he would turn it off. When the person standing next to me would do it, nothing would happen; Bill would turn the laser off. This would create an illusion of mystery, magic and plain idiocy.
Show management rules are that salesmen are not permitted to aggressively approach potential customers and attempt to sell them product. If they were not in your exhibit booth, the buyer needed to enter your booth first. When approaching a buyer outside your booth it is referred to as buttonholing and is frowned upon by professional salesman. Of course, we were permitted to greet and invite and entice potential buyers while we are standing within our own exhibit space.

I stood near the ball circling my hand above it. As the buyers walked by I would say softly, “Come look at my magical crystal ball”. Once in the exhibit, I would say, “It was inner Karma that made the ball glow and if you have good karma the ball will glow, and the more karma you have the more intense the glow”. “Really?” was often their reply, “May I try it?” “Of course”, I’d say, but with the laser turned off the ball did not glow. I would then say the secret of the ball would be revealed after I point out the new products in my exhibit. When people took the time to look at my sculpture they’d often buy. We had the best designs and our detail made the difference. I would then reveal the secret and suggested a visit to my friend who sold lasers. Many buyers decided to do the same thing in their store.


More Mayhem in San Francisco

When at a slow trade show we’d entertain each other, and Jack, the exhibitor opposite me, was exhibiting ( note: I did not say selling) costumes, masks, magic tricks, and rubber dog poop; classy stuff, etc. I had time to peruse his wares. Dividing us was a 6 foot wide aisle making it easy to return to my booth if I saw a potential buyer walking down the aisle. I asked Jack if he’d like to have some fun. “You wear the vampire mask, the large black cape and lean on a cane and I’ll ask someone walking by to help me move the mannequin at which point you’ll grab their hand”. This worked well and we all had a laugh. About 6 other exhibitors stood by the side lines. I stopped another exhibitor and asked her to help me move the mannequin, but when Jack reached for her hand she began screaming so loudly that there was complete silence at Moscone Hall. I turned around to say something to the other exhibitors but they were all gone….Oh, oh, trouble. I apologized and she began to laugh and I began to picture myself being asked to leave the San Francisco Gift Show and instructed never to return.

More meshugas in San Francisco

I did things to make myself laugh to keep myself in a high positive energy mode while waiting for the next customer.
At this time I stayed in my booth, too frightened to step out after the Vampire incident. I began speaking softly to my self with a German accent. “You vill buy dis pewter, it vill zell in your store, das I vill guarantee.” I noticed two women buyers shopping the aisle. As they walked into my booth I said, “I velcome you to mine boot, das ist der best zeling pewter in der country.” One of the women began speaking to me in German and asking me where I’m from. Oh, Oh, here I go again, so I replied “ Fum vere I come ve only speak mit da accent.” She turned to her friend and said, “Did you hear vat he said, fum vere he comes day only speaks mit an accent”. No offense taken, we all started laughing. Whew, I could have gotten thrown out for that one too. So the rest of the show, I kept my mouth shut and smiled at what had happened.

The Grand Pooba
At the Kansas City Gift show I got dressed up as a wizard; beard, wand, hat and full flowing robes. I remember a customer asking me “Do you feel foolish dressed that way?’ “No, everyone in Brooklyn dresses this way, haven’t you ever been to New York?” Thank G-d the customer had a sense of humor.


Whew, is that your after shave lotion?

At a Dallas gift show the exhibitor next to me was selling perfume. I was writing an order when the customer said to me “That’s an interesting after shave lotion you’re wearing”. I said, “I don’t wear after shave lotion, but that’s an interesting perfume you have on.” She said, “I’m not wearing perfume”. We then looked at each other and at the same time said “What stinks?” My next door neighbor had put perfume in a large bowl which overflowed into another bowl, etc. creating a miniature water falls. I asked her to please move it to another table away from me, as I am allergic to perfumes. She removed the bowls from the table and put the perfume back in the bottles. She became a friend after that, and many years later attended both son’s weddings. That’s what I call turning a lemon into lemonade.

The Columbo Close

While at the trade show, my purpose was to sell and the buyers purpose to buy. That’s very important in defining roles. As a salesman, I’d listen to hear how my product may sell in the buyers store so that the purchase would be mutually profitable. I did this rather well, and I began to realize that my selling wouldn’t begin until the buyer thought it had ended. I would always skip over a few designs and wait until the buyer was finished making a purchase, than the sale would begin. I’d bring my fingers to my forehead and then raise my arm in the air with my index finger pointing up and say “There’s one more thing ma’m, I forgot to show you one of best selling designs”. Inevitably I would begin to add on to the order making it a win-win situation for us both.

What’s interesting is that other salesmen would stand on the sidelines and watch me do this and often they’d bring a friend, unbeknownst to the buyer. Sometimes an exhibitor would yell out “Hey Columbo, how’s business?”

I can honestly say that in my career I have had the opportunity to express myself in many different ways; sales was one of them. I enjoyed the work I did, the people I met, and the friends that I made. What’s amazing was that I got paid for doing this.

Shalom, stay cool, eat kosher and have a wonderful summer,

Mel (still the fat guy}