My grandmother used to tell me that there are two types of men—the ones you date and the ones you marry. But I’d like to add a third type—the men you talk to on the phone. These are men you rarely see, but with whom you have a satisfying relationship, albeit one that doesn’t focus on seeing each other.

I have two such frequent callers—Alan and Mark.

Alan and I met over two years ago on JDate. He lives in New Jersey, but that doesn’t stop us from having a committed (phone) relationship. We talk every day, at least twice a day. We’ve been known to spend an entire day together on the phone, just hanging out. And the three-hour time difference is an advantage; Alan is a night owl and I’m an early bird. We wake up together (but shower separately), have breakfast, and then spend the day running errands. Okay, so he buys Yankee baseball caps at Modell’s in New Jersey, while I buy lingerie at Victoria’s Secret in Newport Beach. But we are doing it together.

We’ve been at this for over two years and have met twice. After our first four months “together,” we finally met in New York, where I found Alan to be much taller than his voice. But then we were back on the phone on our respective coasts.

Over a year and a half went by, and we decided that it was time to “recharge” our phone relationship. This time, we met in Chicago. We do well in big cities with major sports teams (for Alan) and major museums (for me). While there, we celebrated our two-year anniversary.

Sadly, this will never be a “real” relationship. Alan is a classic commitment-phobe, at least when it comes to an “in-person” relationship. But, put a phone in his hand and he is more committed to me than someone who has put a ring on my finger. Instead, he has put the “ring” in my ear.

Then there’s my ex-boyfriend Mark, who is working his way up to frequent caller status (does one get airline miles for this?). Unlike Alan, who will never make a commitment, Mark toys with the idea, but is more comfortable being ambivalent. That’s how he was when he was my boyfriend, and he’s not letting the fact that we’re no longer together stop him from continuing to be ambivalent!

Two months after we had broken up, Mark called to wish me a “Happy Birthday.” I figured that he was just breaking the ice, in case we ran into each other in Irvine’s rather incestuous Jewish community.

Less than a month later, it was the High Holy days and, as it turned out, we were invited to the same Rosh Hashanah dinner. He called a few days before the dinner to acknowledge this coincidence, and we had a pleasant conversation.

After Rosh Hashanah services, we walked together from shul to the dinner, engaging in our favorite discussion—Honda versus Toyota—and sat next to each other at dinner. I didn’t think much of it. After all, it’s always good to get along with an ex-boyfriend.

He called again, right before Yom Kippur, to wish me an easy fast—reasonable enough—then again, five days later, to wish me both a “Good Shabbos” and a “Happy Sukkoth.” Well, he is rather religiously observant. I was starting to feel that, instead of receiving “Flowers of the Month,” I was the recipient of “Calls for the Holidays.” Curious about when I might receive the next call, I pulled out my Jewish calendar.

But again, five days later, which wasn’t a Jewish holiday (as far as I knew), it was Mark again. To be on the safe side, I was about to wish him a “Good Yontif,” but he said that he was calling because he heard that Honda had outperformed Toyota, according to some automotive survey. So, instead, I wished him a “Happy Honda-day.”

Is he trying to get back together? G-d only knows. Anyway, Chanukah is just around the corner, giving him eight nights to call.

Oh! Got to go. The phone is ringing . . .