Starting with Freud, and probably since the Stone Age, men have pondered the question, “What do women want?” In the interest of fairness, I decided to conduct research on what men want, and I have found that it involves both more and less than I had imagined.

As with all scientific research, I will begin by explaining my methodology. Although, ideally, one should study an entire population, the practicalities of research call for the use of a sample. Thus, as a 52-year-old Jewish woman and the resident researcher on the “Jewish singles lifestyle” (whatever that is), I have chosen to limit my sample to Orange County Jewish men between the ages of 42 and 62 (my age + 10 years) who have posted a profile on JDate. Because the type of data that a researcher collects determines how such data are reported, I will present my findings by the JDate essay topics, beginning with a profile of this archetypal Jewish man.

About you. You have a great (dry) sense of humor, are curious (although you never say about what), adventurous, and get the most out of life. You’re dynamic, independent, and playful, but still a gentleman. You’re a kid at heart and much younger than your years. You have eclectic tastes in music and love great food, wine, and dining out (but also staying in). You’re easy going (or high energy) and kind. You’ve traveled the world and have climbed at least one mountain. You play a sport. You’re affectionate, romantic, and some of you admit that you like holding hands and snuggling. You’re an old fashioned guy who knows that chivalry is not dead. You’re as comfortable in a tuxedo as in jeans. You like the outdoors and exercise, and you try to stay in shape, even if you do have “a few extra pounds.” You know how to cook or at least how to order take-out. Some of you “underestimate” your age in the identifying information, but then “confess” your true age (generally 5 to 10 years older) in your profile, explaining that you didn’t want to be overlooked by the search criteria.

You are looking for a date, at the very least, and always hoping to find a friend, but are most interested in a long-term relationship and marriage. The younger among you are looking for marriage and children. Very few of you are looking for just an “activity partner.”

Your perfect first date involves coffee, but often dinner, especially a romantic one that involves a quiet restaurant, wine, and chemistry, followed by a good night kiss and plans for a second date. The romantics among you want to take a long walk along the beach.

Your ideal match is attractive, slim, and 5 to 20 years younger, although a few of you will go up to one year older. She is fun, laughs at your jokes, and has a great smile. She has a strong sense of self and is independent, but still would like to depend on you. She is affectionate, even passionate. She is loyal, supportive, and low maintenance. She takes care of herself, has pride in her appearance, and is fit. She is close to her family, but not too close. She is as comfortable in jeans as in an evening gown. She sees the best in others, is optimistic, and doesn’t take herself too seriously.

Your ideal relationship involves chemistry, “compatibility” (in its various forms), shared activities, and travel, especially weekend getaways. No matter what, she is your best friend and you are hers.

You learned from past relationships that you cannot change anyone (and that you don’t want anyone to change you!), you shouldn’t take your partner for granted, and you need to do those thoughtful things that show you care. There has to be chemistry. You need to leave the past behind, to feel respected, and to communicate. You want to be accepted for who you are.


A tall order? Not really. We are all capable of being that ideal match and at least striving for that ideal relationship. And now that I’ve shared the secret of what men want, what’s stopping us women from finding our man?