When we think about the risks of dating, rejection is the first one that comes to mind. But it’s not rejection that’s the problem; it’s our attitude about it. And attitude is everything.

Traditionally, it was the man who made the first move and who took the biggest risk. But the women’s movement has changed that. Today’s woman feels that she should go after what she wants, especially when she sees what she wants on JDate. And to do so is to risk rejection. But even when we don’t make the first move, we still risk rejection.

What are the different forms of rejection and what do they mean? Being the existentialist I am, I recognize that rejection has no inherent meaning; it’s up to me to make sense of it. It’s a test of my attitude.

Below, you will find three case vignettes, each one followed by a multiple choice Dating Attitude quiz. Please choose the response that best describes your attitude. Note to men: Please change the gender of the rejecter/rejectee as appropriate.

You finally get the guts to e-mail RockClimbingDoctor. You write, “Hi Rock, I liked your profile, especially what you said about volunteering in inner city pediatric clinics. I also think it’s great that you’ve learned how to be sensitive to women’s needs and to communicate deeply. I look forward to hearing back from you.” You don’t hear back from him, and you think to yourself:

(a) I said too much/too little.
(b) He found me to be too young/too old.
(c) My timing was off; he had just met the love of his life.
(d) He thought that he wasn’t good enough for me.

You have an especially engaging IM session with Troubadour, a writer and poet. You IM back and forth for over an hour, expressing yourselves through increasingly heartfelt prose and poetry. You think, “this is romantic” and you write, “I wonder whether your voice is as beautiful as your poetry,” and you give him your telephone number. He never calls you, and you think to yourself:

(a) He didn’t like my poetry/me.
(b) He used our IM session to practice his poetry writing.
(c) My timing was off; he had just been nominated as Poet Laureate and needed to concentrate on his writing.
(d) He was afraid that my pretty face would induce permanent writer’s block.

And now for my personal favorite. You receive an e-mail from NewToDating, a cute guy you never even noticed before. He writes, “You look and sound quite beautiful . . . how do you feel about younger men?”(referring to the eight-year difference between us). You write back, “Hi New, Thank you for the compliment. I like younger men. More importantly, I like what you said about yourself on your profile. You seem like a sensitive man. Please feel free to call me at . . . Looking forward to talking to you.” You never hear from him again, and you think to yourself:

(a) I sounded too eager/not eager enough.
(b) He changed his mind and decided that I was too old/too young.
(c) My timing was off; he found an even older woman who appealed to him.
(d) He thought that I was so beautiful that he was afraid I would eventually reject him.

What do your choices reveal about your Dating Attitude? To find out, please use the scoring key below:

For each “a” response, score 1 point.
For each “b” response, score 2 points.
For each “c” response, score 3 points.
For each “d” response, score 4 points.
Your Total Score = _____

3 points. You’re insecure. You have the attitude that you’re not good enough or you’re to blame. Treat yourself to some therapy.
4 to 6 points. “Maybe it’s me, but it might be him.” Your attitude is getting there, but you may want to read (or reread), “I’m Okay, You’re Okay.”
7 to 9 points. You’re secure. Your attitude is that you’re okay; it has nothing to do with you. Maybe you’ll have better luck next time.
10 to 12 points. You go, girl! You have the right attitude. Your beshert is out there waiting for you.