With summer fast approaching, I really wonder about the subject of modesty. What really got me thinking about this, beyond the standard New England weather conundrum of the mercury bouncing between 90 and 45 degrees and then back again all on the same day was a statement made by Fishy-boy.

Last week he came home from school with a bunch of sports cards from a kid's sport magazine. In the pack of athletes, male and female, was a Britney Spears card. He showed it to me and said, "Look mom, it's the singer that can't afford a shirt that will cover her belly button. Maybe you need to take her shopping with you some time. Of course, why she's in here with Cheryl Swopes I just don't know."

I laughed but it got me thinking.

I don't consider myself a feminist, but I'm certainly no traditionalist either. I'm one of these aging hippies that isn't quite as radical as I was in my youth but I know I definitely lean left of center on most issues. Since I belong to a Reconstructist congregation, the concept of modesty is not strictly defined our family. That doesn't mean I don't have specific views on the subject, just that I have a different perspective on the issue than certain Jews and Jewish groups. It also means that I have to communicate my views and reasons to my kids without the benefit of a strict, "this is how it's done" guideline.

I thought about my wardrobe. I like my shorts and t-shirts and my bathing suit is a pretty generic one piece suit. It's not cut up to here or down to there, it's your basic middle-aged woman's bathing suit. I just don't understand women my age wearing bikinis. I also don't get things like short-shorts, thong panties and tight clothes in general, they're just uncomfortable.

I remember being in a lingerie store with a friend during the height of the whole "Monica thing" and seeing some thongs. I looked at my friend and said, "I've spent the majority of my life trying to keep from getting wedgies, why would I spend $12 for a pair of panties designed to give me one."

My friend just laughed. She said I cracked her up and if I were 18 I'd understand. Even when I was young and was 125 pounds of solid muscle I still didn't get it. It was uncomfortable then, it's uncomfortable now. The reality is, even before I got to middle age, the bulk of my clothes fall into "modesty" standards because that is where my sensibilities lie.

Heck, I'm still known as the woman that Balkan Camp safe for the modest way back when I was young. When every one else was stripping down and diving in, I had my bathing suit. I still remember a group of women thanking me for doing that. One thought she wouldn't be able to swim that week since she wasn't about go skinny dipping, but she didn't want to look like she was uptight.

I figure that if you have your body if you have no talent. I think about musicians and actors (and I use the terms loosely) where the only thing they have going for them is a pretty face and the willingness to run around in front of cameras with practically no clothes.

And yet, when Brandy Chastain ripped off her shirt after scoring the winning goal for the US soccer team, I didn't have a problem with that. So I had to think for a moment about why that was.

I realized that she didn't do so as a way to try and divert attention from her insecurities. In a moment of pure excitement and joy, she did something athletes have done for years, she ripped off her shirt. It wasn't a calculated move designed to cover up her inadequacies. Her talent, skill and training were quite clear in her play on the field through out the game. Ironically, she was still better covered by her sports bra than a lot of women I see in clothes they wear in public. I'm not saying that I would encourage women ripping off their shirts in public while excited, but I understand where Chastain was coming from.

In fact, the thing that angered me about the whole thing was that the media outlets were so focused on that one act as if it were an oddity or that it was the only thing that counted in that entire game. I guess it goes back to Bart Giamatti, the former president of Yale and commissioner of baseball, discussing the difference between reacting in the heat of the moment versus a calculated act when it came to disciplinary actions. While you don't condone bad actions, you treat one that occurs in the heat of the moment differently than that contrived action. Chastain acted in the moment while Spears purposely wears provocative outfits.

Of course, what really impressed me about all this last week was something Fishy told me about that card. One of his friends said something to the effect of how "hot" Spears looked. First Fish said, "You're nine, you don't know what hot means." Oh yeah, that was my voice coming out of his mouth but then he told me he continued with, "if that was your sister, would you want boys saying that about her or would you tell her to go put on a sweater?"

It all breaks down to this: you don't need to declare you're "comfortable with your body" as you're flaunting it. Flaunting yourself is not a sign of comfort, it's an egotistical act to prove that somehow you have something worth showing off. It's a need to say that somehow you are so whatever that it sets you apart from the rest of the pack. In fact, in my eyes, it's equivalent of declaring all your insecurities and fears to the world.

I look at my kids and realize that they have begun to really believe that as well. They realize it's not about what's outside, it's about what inside. So while there will still be the occasional, "You're NOT leaving the house in that" type of arguments, at least I know that if a nine-year-old can ask, "would I want my sister to look like that?" then there will be someone behind me making sure there will always be room for the modest to feel right at home.