Should Jews have a Christmas tree in their home? One thing is clear, quite a few do!

How many? In a list of 35 cities in the North American Jewish Data Bank, in most cities, 20% to 30% of the Jewish households say that they “always, usually or sometimes” have a Christmas tree. Here are a few examples: Washington D.C. 27%, Philadelphia, 23%, St. Louis 22%, Los Angeles 20%, and Detroit 15%.

A Christmas tree in a Jewish home has been one of the hottest topics in emails people have sent me over the years as a Jewish advice columnist on AOL and now on my own website, www.beingjewish.org.

Why so much interest in this topic? Jewish demographers ask because they want to know, in a Christian society where Christmas is pervasive, how Jews react to and assimilate into the larger culture. For these researchers, having a Christmas tree is something of a barometer of Jewish identity, assimilation and the impact of intermarriage.

The many people who have emailed to me asking about the appropriateness of having a Christmas tree are also essentially grappling with questions of assimilation and Jewish identity. Specifically, they are asking whether and how Jews should celebrate Christmas?

I’ve written columns expressing my opinion that Jews should not have Christmas trees in their homes.

In the case of an intermarried household, the question of having a Christmas tree is much more complicated. Finding ways to honor both parents and their religions without confusing or conflicting the children is part of the challenge. Every case is unique and I’ve responded to each differently.

Regardless of what I write, my responses always generate a lot of email, pro and con.

Often I have received emails (especially from non-Jewish writers) who assert that Christmas trees are not religious symbols. These writers say that the tree is merely a symbol of the holiday season and conveys no religious significance.

My response is that they are not called holiday season trees. In addition, the star that adorns the top of these trees is meant to symbolize the Star of Bethlehem which marked the birth of the messiah Jesus. I see this as a very religious. Some still disagree.

A different argument that a writer once emailed to me, spoke of how Jews for thousands of years have always been influenced by the cultures around them, from the Romans and Persians up until today. This person argued that Judaism was enriched by these cultures.

To me there is some merit to this argument. However the irony of Christmas and Chanukah coming at the same time of year is that Chanukah celebrates how the Jews maintained their identities and would not assimilate into the Greek society around them.

What Jews should accept and adopt from the dominant culture is at the root of the Christmas tree question. My personal response for myself and my children is advice I heed from Jewish educator Joel Grishaver. We have gone to Christian friends and celebrated their holiday with them in their home. In turn, they have come to our home to celebrate Passover and other Jewish holidays.

Going to a friend’s home for their holiday is similar to attending a friend’s birthday party. I can enjoy their celebration even though I know it is not my birthday party. In this case, they are celebrating Jesus’ birthday. My children understand this and respect our friends’ celebration of his birth.

We happily wish our Christian friends and neighbors a Merry Christmas in their celebration. In fact, I love Christmas, Christmas music and the holiday spirit. Still in our home, we do not celebrate this birthday or have a tree because this is not our party. That’s OK with me because as a Jew, I have plenty of Jewish holidays to celebrate and I am delighted to share our parties with my non-Jewish friends and neighbors.