Isn't it redundant to put a yarmulke on a toupee?

Yiddish word for Today: PULKES (PUHL-kees) THIGHS note: this word has been traced back to the language of one of the original Tribes of Israel, the Cellulites.

When you say some English words with a Yiddish accent, they take on a whole new meaning. For example, if you would have asked my dad what the word wrench meant, he would have said something like: "A wrench is where cowboys keep their horses".

The only good advice your Jewish mother gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"

You grew up thinking it was normal for someone to shout "Are you okay?" through the bathroom door when you were in there longer than 3 minutes.

Your family dog responded to commands in Yiddish.

Every Saturday morning your father went to the neighborhood deli (called an appetitizing store) for whitefish salad, whitefish ("chubs"), lox (nova if you were rich!), herring, corned beef, roast beef, coleslaw, potato salad, a 1/2-dozen huge barrel pickles which you reached into the brine for, a dozen assorted bagels, cream cheese and rye bread (sliced while he waited)...all of which would be strictly off-limits until Sunday morning.

Every Sunday afternoon was spent visiting your grandparents and/or other relatives.

You may have experienced the phenomenon of 50 people fitting into a 10-foot-wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates trying to get to a deli tray.

You spent your entire childhood thinking everyone called pot roast "brisket."

You had at least one female relative who penciled on eyebrows which were always asymmetrical.

You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.

You were as tall as your grandfather by age seven and a half.

You never knew anyone whose last name didn't end in one of 5 standard suffixes (berg, baum, man, stein and witz.)

You were surprised to discover that wine doesn't always taste like grape juice.

You can look at gefilte fish and not turn green.

When your mother smacked you, she continued to make you feel bad for hurting her hand.

You can understand Yiddish but you can't speak it.

You know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use them correctly in context, yet you don't know exactly what they mean. Kinahurra.

You thought speaking loud was normal.

You considered your Bar or Bat Mitzvah a "Get Out of Hebrew School Free" card.

You're compelled to mention your grandmother's "clunkers" or "cannonballs" upon seeing light, fluffy matzo balls served at restaurants.

Your mother or grandmother took personal pride when a Jew was noted for some accomplishment (showbiz, medicine, politics, etc.) and was ashamed and embarrassed when a Jew was accused of a crime, as if they were relatives.

And finally, you knew that Sunday night and the night after any Jewish holiday was designated for Chinese food. Zie gezunt

Submitted by Faye Winton