“Paying to pray,” buying tickets for the High Holy Days, and synagogue dues are often hot topics, especially at this time of year. I wrote a column about this subject that resulted in the follow up email below.

Dear Gil,

I just read your post on paying to pray and while I agree with your assertion that facilities cost money, do they have to cost as much as they do? It is embarrassing to have to go to the Rabbi and say, I am sorry, I can't pay the dues, please help.

The stereotype of the affluent/rich Jew holds true in my area. Growing up, I went to a synagogue where we paid very little dues for either membership or school because there were times where we qualified for food stamps. I went to an overnight 8 week Jewish summer camps for 6 years in a row on scholarship. In all my years, I have only met one other poor Jewish family who actually practiced and went to synagogue.

When I graduated college with huge loan debt and went looking for a synagogue, I was embarrassed that money was one of the first things every synagogue talked about. And it isn't just dues. It is dues, school fees plus books if you have kids, the annual fund, the building fund, and then special projects. This is before tzedakah.

I want to reconnect with my faith, I want my children to know the things that I love about Judaism, but any suggestions on how to get past the distaste for what feels like paying for G-d? Any suggestions on how to explain to the synagogue, that "no, just because we make $50K/year before taxes doesn't mean we can pay $2K/year in dues plus the other funds." I am not saying that I would pay nothing, but what they are asking would cripple me financially.

I will probably find somewhere through the JCC for High Holy Day services, but I yearn for a place to call home spiritually and I can't find it. Perhaps I am looking for something in Judaism and/or G-d that I shouldn't be.

Thank you.

R

Dear R:

Your email shows the need to be sensitive to the many Jews who struggle to pay the high costs of living a Jewish life. I note that twice in your email you use the word “embarrassed.” This speaks painfully beyond the difficulty to afford things and touches on the struggle the poor face to maintain their human dignity.

Before offering you some suggestions, I'd like to share with my readers some statistics about poor Jews in America. “Jewish poverty not an oxymoron,” says the New York Metropolitan Council on Jewish Poverty.

They are right. According to the UJC’s demographic study in 2000, 22% of American Jewish households have incomes of $25,000 or less (this compares to 28% of all American households.) In the year 2000, the official US poverty level for a couple with two kids was $17,463. For a single senior citizen the figure is $8,259. Five per cent of the Jewish population or about 350,000 American Jews live at this level or below (compared to 11% of all Americans.)

In the words of the Council on Jewish Poverty, “The Jewish poor are not concentrated in slum neighborhoods. Frequently, they are middle class people who have fallen on hard times. They may be devastated by bankruptcy or divorce, by catastrophic illness or the death of a parent or spouse in the prime of life. These people suffer in proud, shocked silence, continuing to live in homes they have always lived in. Only now, the refrigerators are empty. The utility bills go unpaid. The doctor and dentist are out of reach. And they are facing eviction.

My sense is that these people have the added embarrassment as you note, of dealing with the false stereotype that all Jews are wealthy.

This information describes Jews who live in poverty or near the poverty level. In addition, there is a large Jewish middle class who face the many costs of leading a Jewish life with difficulty. I will not delve into this subject here, as much has been written on the subject. Suffices to say the costs of Jewish memberships, tuitions, camping, food etc are significant.

In fairness to Jewish institutions, (and as a member of the board of my synagogue and former board member of my JCC, I can tell you that) they have the never ending challenge of dealing with deficits. Most have only two main sources of revenue, dues and fundraising. To keep their doors open, they are constantly looking at ways to increase revenue while cutting costs.

Budgets and money are unpleasant realities that must be dealt with. So where does this leave you?

I have a couple of suggestions. First, you should realize that you are not “paying for God” or Judaism. Instead you are paying for facilities, bills and salaries. This infrastructure is then used to serve many people including those who cannot afford to pay their per capita share.

And as you note, growing up, you received scholarships to participate in Jewish camping and schools. I believe this is the norm in Jewish institutions. There is a widespread recognition that not all can afford to pay the full costs. However, these people must be asked (confidentially) to share their financial picture. I don't know of another way.

This should always be handled with sensitivity and compassion. If you are having difficulty finding a synagogue that will treat you like this, I suggest you contact your local Jewish Family Service or Federation and ask them for the names of synagogues that would work with you.

I recognize that this process can be embarrassing. But you should realize that many members pay dues in excess of their share precisely because they want to help others who are less fortunate. Judaism has always recognized the needs of the poor. Protecting human dignity is the reason Judaism teaches as an ideal, the value of anonymous giving and anonymous receiving. I hope you can find a synagogue that honors this value to give you the spiritual home and dignity you desire and deserve.

Shana Tovah!
Gil


These columns began Gil's area of America Online, called "Judaism Today: Where Do I Fit?" People sent him e-mail, and he chose one anonymously for a public response. He welcome your questions or comments at Gil@beingjewish.org. You can find out about his new book Sex, God, Christmas & Jews Intimate Emails About Faith and Life Challenges on his website, www.beingjewish.org. He invites teachers and others to copy his columns