Many times I have been upset by people who seem to think that gefilte fish is some kind of mixture you make in the kitchen rather than one of G-d's creatures. This has led me to explain exactly what a gefilte fish is.

So once again, here goes:
Each year as soon as the frost on the Great Gefilte Lakes (located upstate New York somewhere in the Catskill Mountains) is thin enough to break the surface, Frum (observant) fishermen set out to "catch" gefilte fish. Now unlike your normal fish, gefilte fish cannot be caught with a rod and a reel or your standard bait. The art of catching gefilte fish was handed down for hundreds, maybe thousands, of years. For all I know Moses used to go gefilte fish catching. I'm sure that the Great Rambam (Maimonides), when he wasn't busy playing doctor, spent his leisure time Gefilte fishing.
Enough already, you say, so how is it done? Well you go up to the edge of the lake with some Matzo. Now this is very important!! It has to be Manischewitz Matzo or the fish will not be attracted. You stand at the edge of the lake and whistle and say, "Here boy!" "Here boy!" The fish just can't resist the smell of the Matzo. They come together to the edge of the lake where they jump into the jars and are bottled on the spot.
You must remember that there are two kinds of gefilte fish. The strong and the weak. The weak are your standard fish which are in a loose "broth" (it is actually the lake water). Now the strong are special. They seem to be in a "jell." These fish are actually imported from the Middle East where they are caught in the Dead Sea. They have to be strong to be able to swim through that "jell."
Last year, a well meaning gentleman tried to correct me by stating, "Reb, shouldn't they be saying 'Here Boychic!'" I didn't have the heart to tell him that Boychic is a Yiddish word and Gefilte Fish don't understand Yiddish --only Hebrew and surprisingly, English! There has been a big debate as to whether to use the Hebrew or English in the US. With a big break from tradition, shockingly the English is accepted by almost all Gefiltefishermen. Some still insist on using the Hebrew and consider the use of "Here Boy" as Reform and not acceptable. However the Congress of OUR Rabbis (who have to be present at the lakes when the fish are bottled) uniformly accept "Here boy!"
The time of the catch is very important! The fish cannot be caught before Purim is over or the fish are considered Chumetz! Besides, the fish know when Pesach is coming ,and will not respond to the Matzo before the proper time.
I am still a little bothered by which end of the fish is the head and which the tail (not to mention that I am not sure where their eyes are). This is a small price to pay for the luxury of eating this delicacy ... Have you ever had the baby Gefilte Fish? Oy, they are so cute that I feel a little guilty eating them!
Have a great Pesach and hope that the Matzo doesn't affect you like Pepto Bismol or worse yet, prunes. (THERE IS A NEW product available in the stores called: Metamucil Matzo.
The box has the logo: "LET MY PEOPLE GO!")