Ever since Mae West was sentenced to a week in jail for corrupting the morals of youth with her play “Sex”, celebrity justice has been almost a drug for the masses. Zsa Zsa Gabor belts a cop, she gets headlines. Robert Downey Jr. falls off the wagon, and he gets publicity that money just can’t buy. Even banalities like Hugh Grant hiring a hooker is worthy of throngs of cameramen and reporters. And the public laps it up like cats at a bowl of cream, anxious for every bisel schmutz they can get that brings down the mighty and reduces larger-than-life to our own scale.

Currently, the masses are salivating over the Michael Jackson trial, arguably the most out-of-proportion sideshow ever. Missheghas. Some channels are even offering re-enactments of the drama in the courtroom, using look-alikes to play the parts, (with an especially frightening looking Jackson clone glowering at everyone in the witness stand,) and lawyers turned reporters butting in and offering up their treyfe opinions between the bouts of testimony.

As a veteran actor, I know first hand how difficult it is to ignore the camera when playing a role. It’s hard not to look into that lens! But on a soundstage, everyone is aware of the artificiality, and treats it accordingly. In a courtroom however, it can turn even the most dedicated lawyer into a sideshow performer, making them image conscious and detracting the focus from the matter at hand. I was one of the few who was fortunate enough to get hold of one of the unlicensed copies of the O.J. Simpson trial, (only the highlights of course, the whole dreary debacle would have been a nightmare to store,) before the authorities put the kybosh on the sales. Watching it again, I was more amused than ever at how it went from a murder trial to a dog-and-pony show, with the now late Johnny Cochoran’s demeanor often reaching Shakespearean proportions, and Marcia Clark’s innumerable makeovers grooming her for her after-the-fact career in writing and television. Had there been no cameras in the courtroom, the outcome might have been different. Maybe the prosecution would have put their energies into a competent case rather than their images. But then again, let’s face it…everyone wants stardom, and everyone connected with the O.J. trial knew damned well that regardless of the outcome, their fortunes were made from the minute the opening statements were made, especially Ms. Clark who’s constant playing to the camera made one expect her at any moment to look right into the camera and say, “I’m ready for my close-up now, Mr. DeMille!” These people became instant celebrities the minute the trial began, and as Melvin Belli commented after his guest appearance on ‘Star Trek’, “Lawyers are just actors with a smaller audience and a college degree.”

But, in the case of the Michael Jackson trial, I have to admit, I’d love to be able to see into that forum. He is one of those rare examples of a celebrity who, like him or hate him, fascinates us and we never seem to get enough of his bizarre hi jinks. His vacillation between genius performer and lunatic circus clown is a source of morbid delight for the public. Unlike O.J. Simpson, Jackson himself has turned the courtroom into a vaudeville venue that might well deserve to be captured on tape for posterity. No one can say for sure why he does what he does, and we members of the Hollywood Fourth Estate, delight in arguing if he’s going for a bogus insanity defense by example, or if the man has truly crossed the fine line between brilliance and lunacy.

Does press coverage hamper the judicial process? Of course, and most judges know this, which is why for decades we had to settle for cheesy cartoons drawn in the courtroom to illustrate the goings on. Does it widen the inequity between celebrity justice and justice for the common man? Absolutely. Hell, O.J. Simpson might be on death row, had Marcia Clark worried less about “Does this outfit make me look fat?” and more about “Are you sure the gloves will fit him?” But like it or not, the public hasn’t changed much since Madame DeFarge sat ringside, watching the heads of the French monarchy fall. The only thing we love more than watching an someone’s ascent to the top of the pedestal, is watching them fall off of it.

I doubt that very many people really give a merry damn about the outcome of the Michael Jackson trial, or any celebrity trial for that matter. Because we don’t regard it as a real trial. We tend to view it as just another reality show, and when it’s all over, we’ll spend a few weeks intellectualizing over the result, then, growing bored with the whole thing, we’ll sit back and wait for another star to screw up, and the whole cycle will repeat it’s self. Only one thing is certain…Michael Jackson will be a hard act to follow!

Until next month!