On Friday, July 8, 2005 I was asked the following question:

Rabbi,

My fiancée and I are having sexual problems and I don't know if I should go through with the wedding. He says that he wants to abstain until we are married, in two weeks, but we've already have been together sexually and I'm afraid that he may have developed a problem. What do you advise?

This was my response:

Shalom,

You're not giving me enough information to work with. If you are both Orthodox (or one of you is) then you have ignored the rules governing negiah/touching and tzniut/modesty. If your fiancée wants to abstain for the next two weeks, because he is trying to create the illusion that you have not yet been intimate, then I would say to not worry about it. However, if he has either lost interest in you or in physical intimacy with you, then, by all means, find a counselor before going through with the marriage.

Best Wishes,
Rabbi Dan

If you have questions about a personal matter, or jewish practices and customs, you can submit them to me by e-mail. I answer all queries directly, or through this column, when the question is informative to our community.

Thank you for your kind attention and this opportunity to share with you,
Rabbi Dan S. Wiko
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